Here’s The Problem: In a follow up to yesterday’s pre-game post, here is a very short review of The Sound of Music Live.
Carrie should never act. Never ever. Just. Keep. Singing.
Actual Problem: Finding myself rooting for the Nazi’s.
Here’s The Problem: In a problem that is boggling my mind, Kim Zolciak is reportedly down to a size FOUR only NINE days after giving birth to twins. That’s TWO babies. In her body. For nine months. And nine DAYS later – she looks like this! How? HOW????
Actual Problem: I cant figure out the actual problem for this…but I know it has something to do with her looking better than me. Than us. Than YOU. That’s right, I said it. How do ya like them apples?
Here’s the Problem: The latestcraze in dogs these days is the Cava-poo-chon, a spaniel/poodle mix whose selling point is that it will never lose its puppy face – even when it’s too old to control its bladder. Oh good. Now we we can stop spending so much money on doggy facelifts.
Actual Problem: My mother always said if I want to look young and pretty forever to surround myself with old ugly friends. That’s why I’m staying far away from the Cava-poo-chon and buying a Chinese Crested instead.
Here’s The Problem: This one gets filed under a larger umbrella of Things the Elderly Shouldn’t Do. First on that list? TWEET. Martha Stewart is disgusting the masses with tweets of her gourmet meals. Meanwhile, this is the woman who is supposedly the Queen of all things domestic. But what are looking at here, Martha?? WHAT? What IS this???
Actual Problem: These meals looks like something to wipe up with Shittens.
Here’s The Problem: I JUST received an email from a concerned HTP fan about our last post, in which I state that I suffered from NARCOLEPSY. A sleeping ailment (which, obvs, I don’t REALLY suffer from…). This fan, who will remain nameless because their foolishness absolutely astounds me, was confusing this with NECROPHILIA. Not sure what that is? I suggest you look it up……let this be a lesson to ALL of us. When in doubt – LOOK.IT.UP.
Actual Problem: Spontaneous sleep and sleeping with the deceased…..two VERY different ideas.
Here’s The Problem: Because I was basically suffering from narcolepsy over the weekend, I missed many things. The thing I regret missing the most is this idiotic display of…well…idiocy. Here comes Lady Gaga on a fake unicorn. A fucking, fake UNICORN. Like she’s in a parade at Medieval Times! And then Miley and her cat (i’m talking about a feline this time – not her vag). It seems like all these “artists” are just trying to out weird each other. Congrats! It’s working – you’re all weirdos! Who will be the Weirdo Queen??? I just cant wait to see.
Actual Problem: I miss Adele. Black outfit. Chair. Stage. Sing. THE END.