going to the chapel..
Here’s The Problem: On the day that I stop doing the Kim Kardashian 48hr fat flush (today), I find out that her sis, Khloe, is getting married on Sunday. It seems that she and this Lamar Odom fellow have been dating for like, a month and are so in love that they are sealing the deal this weekend.
Actual Problem: It’s getting harder and harder to determine who is the dumbest Kardashian of all….
- Race to Which Mountain?
Here’s the Problem: Burt Reynolds checked out of a Florida rehab center today where he had admitted himself for a drug problem. What, you didn’t know Burt Reynolds was away? Neither did his agent.
Actual Problem: Burt, you’re never going to get better doing only half the work. Tom Selleck is getting tired of this Sweet Valley High twin swap scheme you’ve got going.
it's like looking in a mirror.....
Here’s The Problem: This new show Glee has this chick (gal on the left) who people think looks like me (lower paid gal on the right)……
Actual Problem: I don’t see it – and don’t particularly WANT to. Ya’ll can go sing a song about THAT.
Here’s the Problem: Back in the Jersey for Jewlidays, and this time I didn’t bring my Macbook, just waiting till Mom and Dad find out and start blaming me for all that’s going wrong on this overstuffed Dell.
Actual Problem: Look at this thing!!! I haven’t seen this many toolbars since VH1 cancelled Megan Wants a Millionaire. And that Ed Hardy inspired search engine in their homepage. 6 hours down, 132 left to go…
Here’s The Problem: Listen. Megan Fox is hot. I know it, you know it, she knows it. But the chick needs to shut up:
“Well, I’m clearly not ugly.” – Entertainment Weekly, June 2009
“I’m just really confident sexually, and I think that sort of oozes out of my pores. It’s just there. It’s something I don’t have to turn on.” – Elle, June 2009
“I’m smart and I can be really funny and interesting and I can go toe-to-toe with anybody in a conversation.” – Entertainment Weekly, June 2009
Actual Problem: Self confidence is great. Self promotion is ok. Being the president of your own fan club is too much.
Here’s The Problem: Jessica Simpson’s little dog, Daisy, has been kidnapped by coyotes! This is no joke – and I’m actually not making fun of this. It’s so sad!
Actual Problem: Coyotes. No good for the road-runner and no good for tiny doggies!
too much information
Here’s The Problem: Overheard at the office:
Employee #1: I have cramps SO bad – I feel like Sigourney Weaver in Alien.
Employee #2: Well, I am so constipated that I feel like I’m going to explode.
Actual Problem: It’s nice to be super-close to your co-workers. It’s not so nice to talk about your medical, um, issues out loud in the hallway.
Here’s The Problem: Last night, at the VMA’s, Kanye West jumped on stage while Taylor Swift was accepting her award for Best Female Video – grabbed the mic out of her tiny hand and started yapping about how Beyonce should have won…..
Actual Problem: Kanye needs to CFD (that’s Calm the F**k Down). It’s not that serious Kanye. So, you thought Beyonce’s video was better. Cool. I’m sure she did too – but you don’t see her leaping up on stage to ruin a moment for a 19 year old girl. Do you? DO YOU, KANYE?
ps. You’re inside, Kanye. Take off your sunglasses.
By using the moonman, you're bring shame to the galaxy
Here’s the Problem: VMAs aren’t even on in LA yet, but I’m catching all the drama from the facebook and the twitter. Kanye – uncool. In the meantime I’m watching the pre-show (err… cleaning my room with this shit on in the background) and am confused with what’s going on so far:
-Buzz Aldrin announcing the breakthrough video? If I wouldn’t let Poppy get on the air to do this, you shouldn’t let Buzz.
- Awkwardly placed “security cam” getting fab lo-fi shots of celebrities looking annoyed while walking through a backstage door to make sure there are no brown m&ms in the green room
- Some band of 8 year olds whose name, outfits and red carpet performance song were chosen by the only people more out of touch with reality than the VMA producers.
Actual Problem: I’m so over this and SO FUCKING OLD.
Seriously. We're broke.
Here’s The Problem: No one tells you that your twenties are going to suck. They don’t tell you that your job will make you crazy, or that your love life will be dismal or that your boobs will slowly but surely begin to sag. What they really don’t tell you is how POOR you will be.
Actual Problem: Lisa and I are trying to lead happy, fulfilling lives but are instead curled in the fetal position weeping because rent is due and we have 12 bucks in the bank.