Here’s the Problem: See above
Actual Problem: See below
Here’s the Problem: A friend (unnamed to protect her bad taste) is interested in a guy with a ponytail. As @briannafanna noted, “Unless you’re Beckham 5 years ago, that’s not going to work”.
Actual Problem: He’s no athlete, and if you sweat so much setting meetings at your desk that you have to pull your hair back, your eccrine system is not equipped to handle this girl.
Here’s The Problem: I have an adopted Mom at work – who feels the need to embarrass me wherever we are – stores, restaurants, the bathroom, etc. She is now doing it in front of celebrities. So when a famous girl who I LOVE came in the other day - my “mom” decided that she was going to announce that I’m famous girl’s superfan. IN FRONT OF HER. Excuse me famous person, I have to go hide under my desk now.
Actual Problem: Mothers – of ANY kind.
Here’s the Problem: I had been going to the same salon since I came out to LA to intern in 2004. It’s close, convenient, and I loved my hairdresser. So much love that I wrote a really nice Yelp review about him. A 5-star review that calls him nice, professional and talented (while also mentioning he takes a really long time because he’s a perfectionist). You can imagine how dismayed I was when I received a message from him on Yelp that asked me to remove the review because it was costing him business. Well sonny, you just lost yourself a customer!
Actual Problem: This had to happen as my hair approaches nipple-length (that’s an industry term…I think). As it goes for vines to swing on, boyfriends and jobs – don’t let go of your hairdresser until you have another one in grasp.
Here’s The Problem: Amy Winehouse decided that the key to getting back on track was to buy herself some new boobs. Love it.
Actual Problem: Her new rack is gonna drop before her next album does.
Here’s The Problem: I’m the worst driver in Los Angeles. I’m possibly the worst driver in California, if you want to know the truth. But let me tell you something – a BICYCLE is not a CAR. Do not tempt me by peddling your Schwinn in front of my car like you’re in a goddamn Saturn. I’ll hit you – if not on purpose – by accident.
Actual Problem: The road is not big enough for tiny girls who can’t drive and dumbasses in spandex bike shorts.
Here’s the Problem: There is only so much Taylor Swift and Lady Gaga I can swallow (it’s about equal to the amount of Pumpkin-flavored drinks I can ingest – which is a lot, but still limited). At the recommendation of friend, Kelly, I am 100% into KDAY – LA’s only “back in the day” station, featuring classic hip hop and old school rap.
Actual Problem: Depressing and startling revelation – “classic” and “old school” are barely masking the fact that KDAY is the new OLDIES station. 12-year old kids listening to Keith Sweat and En Vogue today are probably groaning like I did when my parents force fed me Paul Anka.
Here’s the Problem: I came across two photos today that made me realize that looking aneorexic AND oppressed is kinda hot.
Actual Problem: One of those photos was of an ex-boyfriend and Kara won’t let me put it up. I wish I knew the line between my life and my life as a dramedy.
Here’s the Problem: Rumors are swirling that Rosie O’Donnell and wife Kelli Carpenter are splitting up. The couple, married for 5 years, are showing public signs of stress including haikus that Rosie has written about the difficulties of marriage. See? That’s why you marry a chick – the poetry.
Actual Problem: Girls, girls. Till death do you part!! You start treating marriage with the disrespect us breeders do and the government is going to take that right away. Oh wait…
Here’s The Problem: I haven’t even seen the movie and yet, I cannot stop listening to the soundtrack by Karen O. I just sit – listening and sort of crying silently to myself because i think it’s so pretty and I want to be a kid again….
Actual Problem: My mental stability (obvs.).