Here’s the Problem: Tennis star Andre Agassi recently released a book that admits what a huge fuck up he is – he only played the sport he was a God in because he was afraid of his dad; was addicted to crystal meth; wore hair pieces to disguise his drug-induced hair loss; and maybe most shameful of all, left his super model wife, Brooke Shields, to be with Stefi Graf. If you ever needed proof that drugs ruin your judgment – look at a side by side picture of these women in the 90s.
Actual Problem: There are bald, tennis-hating meth heads in Fresno who will be serving a 5-year sentence for their drug addiction, while Agassi is going to remain a free man, making millions off his book. There have to be consequences tied to his admissions and maybe it’s time for Agassi to be a man for once and give up his ill-won trophies. It’ll probably be as easy as giving up the trophy wife he didn’t deserve.
**Special Thanks to Ms. Marianne Goode for the tip off on this problem and for reminding me to fill up my gas tank before sundown.
No, actually, you're her bitch.
Here’s The Problem: Twilight mania has got to stop. I mean, I get it – love, romance, pale people – I’m reeling with excitement just thinking about it. But really – Twilight boxers???? Twilight thongs? You pull down your pants and a picture of Robert Pattinson is covering your hoo-ha?
Actual Problem: I can’t think of a quicker way to NEVER have sex again.
Here’s The Problem: Tapes of phone convos between Mama and Papa Lohan have surfaced. Lots of talk about Lindsay. Lots of talk about drugs. Some talk about…Heath Ledger?? Fave Dina quote about her daughter:
“It’s very easy for a rational person to say. But for an irrational person who has a problem with her DNA and alcohol and Adderall…….”
Actual Problem: The root of the prob is not the DNA but the DINA.
Here’s the Problem: Kara and I are venturing out with our own blogs. Do not worry loyal fans, we will still be probleming daily, but we also have individual “thoughts” to share.
Actual Problem: Without each other we are a hot mess of scattered thought. Please enjoy the scraps we put together in a desperate attempt to be independent:
What The Helen Lil K
Here’s The Problem: My favorite kids show of all time is celebrating it’s 40th anniversary ths week. I watched it everyday when I was small(er).
Actual Problem: How old does this make ME????
Here’s The Problem: The two teen titans, Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner are dating. I haven’t been this excited since Miley and Nick got back together for that hot minute.
Actual Problem: It’s no fun scribbling your own name all over your notebook.
Here’s The Problem: Last night TLC graced us with a little special called:
Kate: Her Story
In it, the former Mrs. Gosselin wowed us all with a new curly hairdo, fab faux fingernails and heartfelt, wack-a-do quotes:
“We’re too far gone. Stepping out of the spotlight when it’s prudent to do so is a good thing.” (thoughts on why they can’t stop being “famous”)
“I still wake up every day and I think the phone will ring, and it will be the old Jon.” (thoughts that just don’t make sense)
Actual Problem: Kate better hurry up and get herself another reailty show to be the star of – acrylic nails don’t pay for themselves, honey.
Here’s the Problem: Phish played some awesome show in Indio this past week and a bunch of former, wannabe (and maybe even one actual) hippie showed up. I know because I read all about it on Facebook and Twitter.
Actual Problem: Put away your electronics and chill out. Need to learn how to roll a joint, corporate jack off? I sure there’s an app for that.
Here’s the Problem: Yesterday morning I saw too many people who didn’t put together that if you’re slutting it up in costume on Halloween, it may lead to slutting it in someone’s bedroom, and the next day had to make the walk of shame back home in a half tangled Kate Gosselin wig or smeared dead bride make up.
Actual Problem: This chick in the duck costume got laid?! What am I doing wrong???