Here’s the Problem: Intern Hillary and Kara seem to have the “celebrity” world covered, so allow me to indulge in a personal issue. This morning I found a moment before work to take my clothes out of the dryer (finally found my marathon socks – yes, that’s how long it’s been). And while throwing damp t-shirts from dryer to to laundry bag, Ortiz, our Super (super…indendent? of the building?) comes in and we start to chat.
Ortiz: Elo Liza
**Yes, despite being Latino, he speaks like Christian from Poland**
Lisa: Hi Ortiz
Ortiz: How’s your apartment?
Lisa: Oh fine. How’s yours?
**I kindly ignore the fact we’ve had warped floor boards for 3 years**
Ortiz: Oh! haha! It’s fine, I guess.
Lisa: Well you just let me know if there’s a problem. Hey Ortiz, this dryer…
And then the conversation takes a turn. Ortiz notices I’m tired (and have a lot of sports bras) and asks what I do for a living. He is unimpressed by the answer (as am I) and tells me I should do what I love. Life is short!, he says. What continues is an awkward exchange about passion and goals. The exchange is him telling me I should have these things, and I in turn unintentionally show him I prefer lace boyshort underwear to anything else. The conversation dwindles down as I awkwardly fold a fitted sheet (seriously, how does that work??). And he leaves.
Actual Problem: The second dryer from the left isn’t working and that’s kinda all I want to talk to Ortiz about.
Here’s the Problem: Spencer Pratt (I know him again…pipe down people!) has a new project. Pratt Productions is teaming up with Emilio Masella for a new dating game show called Fist Pumping for Love. Has ANYONE heard of this guy? Didn’t think so. Apparently he used to date Snooki and we all know who she is. Don’t jump up all at once ladies…
Actual Problem: What woman is so desperate to get laid that she goes on a dating show with this skeeze? If this greasy piece of ass was the last penis on the face of the earth, I think I would start batting for the other team.
**Oh, intern Hillary! Already starting to think like a college girl.
Here’s The Problem: This whole Joe Jonas dating Demi Lovato thing? I don’t buy it. I don’t buy it for ONE SINGLE SECOND. This kid is more coiffed, buffed, and manicured than any girl I’ve ever met. ….AND my friend, Sean Dwyer, says that Mr. Jonas constantly goes to the “epi-center of gay Starbucks’”.
Actual Problem: Demi – you are old enough to know the “don’t go after boys who are prettier than you” rule. Come on.
no more high school!
Here’s The Problem: Intern Hillary is done with high school! Can you believe it? We can’t!
kara: did intern Hillary graduate today?
lisa: i think she’s done with school
lisa: but i don’t think today was graduation
kara: should we do a post for her?
kara: is there a “problem” associated with that? or just a tribute post?
lisa: that her brain is going to get rotted by college boys and alcohol and she won’t write things for us anymore
kara: cause she’ll have a life
Actual Problem: Lisa and I are going to suffer from empty-nest syndrome! And we’re gonna have to think of Problems on our own while Hillary is all hung-over and shit……
CONGRATS INTERN HILLARY!!!
Here’s the Problem: While in NY, Jessica attempted to heat up some fishsticks for her son and set the fire alarm off. She’s saying there was no fire – only smoke – but still, really?
Actual Problem: Wow, Jenny from the block – way to keep it real. Heating up frozen food in a hotel oven is one step away from walking out of a gas station bathroom barefoot. Watch yourself before we revoke your parenting license or cast you in Precious 2.
**Thanks Jeanne. Your humility only makes you more credit-worthy.
Here’s The Problem: Do you ever have a dream about someone and you wake up and you’re like “HUH?”. Well, I did last night. I had a dream about this guy who sells yogurt on TV…..and I woke up thinking “Oh my GAWD, did I just do something inappropriate with the Yoplait guy??????????” Ew. I so did.
Actual Problem: I can’t even have dirty dreams correctly. Where is Brad Pitt? Or that greasy guy that plays the vampire? Nope – my subconscious wants me to bone the yogurt man. Awesome. Hope my dream legs were shaved….
Here’s the Problem: I apologize for being so slow on the uptake on this, but did Sandra Bullock, who just won an Oscar for THE BLINDSIDE, adopt a Black child?!? That is taking method acting just a bit too far.
Actual Problem: I am welcoming this Hollywood theme. Next up - Brad Pitt is going to cut off Mel Gibson’s skull and Miley Cyrus is really going to stop singing.
**Credit to Richard Dodd who should have sent a company wide email about this yesterday. You’re letting us down, Dodd.
Here’s the Problem: I obviously didn’t run today because I got a good dose of news this morning. Are their people in shape and up on current events? Sounds impossible to me. Anyway, I got caught up on the oil leak off the coast of Louisianna and am devestated to see that with all the technology we’ve developed to farm oil, we haven’t come up with a way to protect our shores from mistakes resulting from it.
Actual Problem: I realize this isn’t funny, so I’m attaching this link to a video of Matt Suttle, COO of BP who is pretty darn hot. I could listen to him apologize for him company all night long.
Here’s the Problem: This morning Ann Curry went aboard the USS Maryland – a Navy Submarine that is expected to welcome aboard its first woman submariner. This was news because women had not yet been allowed on Navy submarines. Seriously! There are still jobs where it is NEWS when a woman gets it. What year is this???
Actual Problem: Maybe it’s not really “news”. I mean, the Today Show also did a segment about a really large bunny today. But the point is that gender is still defining career opportunities in this country. As if I needed another reason Mom, this is why I’m not having kids yet. You can’t bring a child up in a world like this.