Here’s the Problem: Gary Coleman has passed away this morning at age 42.
lisa: Gary Coleman died
kara: i know. i know. terrible.
lisa: I JUST made a whatchu talkin about Willis joke last night
lisa: do you think it’s my fault?
kara: no no
kara: maybe he was just too small
kara: his body couldn’t take it
lisa: we are also quite short, you know
lisa: is our time almost up?
kara: i know – maybe we’ve got a limited time
kara: just like Gary.
lisa: JLG – let’s say it everytime we have to make a decision regarding a fulfilling life
lisa: also, anytime we’re at a concert and can’t see the stage
Here’s The Problem: I’m so excited to see this movie! I called my Dad yesterday to tell him and our conversation went a little something like this:
Me: Hey Dad – seen any movies lately? I’m really excited to see Sex and the City 2.
Dad: I hate that woman. I won’t go see it. Don’t even ask me.
Me: I’m not asking you to see it. I’m just making conversation. Who do you hate?
Dad: The old broad – the one who acts like she’s 30 but really could be everyone’s mom.
Me: Kim Cattrall?
Dad: I dunno – one of those old whores.
Actual Problem: Cross “movies” off the list of things to talk about with my father.
Here’s The Problem: “Hooters taught me the value of serving others” in my teeny tiny booty shorts. Orange pride? This commerical is ridic.
Actual Problem: How come no one told me that my rack could open these kinds of doors for me????? I could be a surgeon right now.
I have a perfectly legitimate excuse why my Hills post is late. The LOST finale was last Sunday and after 2 and a half hours of wrapping up 6 years worth of material, I wasn’t really in the mood to hunker down in front of the television again on a Tuesday night. Right? I know.
Plus, this past week’s episode was a complete disappointment.
Here’s the Problem: Where the hell was Spencer and Heidi!? When you completely ignore the craziest crystal carrying couple on the planet, then you have a serious problem. Last week’s episode ended with Holly and Stephanie deciding to cut them out of their lives, BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN YOU CUT THEM OUT OF THE SHOW. I don’t give a rat’s ass about Kristen getting jealous over Brody’s new date because girls for some reason can’t be “just friends” with guys, and guys for some reason can’t understand that. And oh wow, Lo sets Stephanie up on a really awkward double date. Yay for her. I DON’T CARE. I WANT MY SPEIDI RUBBING CRYSTALS ON MY TV SCREEN.
Here’s the Actual Problem: I’ve wanted these people gone from my TV forever and now that they are, I want them back.
Here’s the Problem: Thank God for Etsy and the ability to sell shit no one wants to buy. Thank more gods for RegrEtsy because of products such as vulva necklaces. The VulvaLoveLovely store on Etsy will gladly make a hand sculpted pendant to match its owner’s hoo-ha for the price of about 3 months worth of birth control. (I’m sorry, I found a link and I can’t bring myself to share it. If you want to see it, google it.).
Actual Problem: When a guy approaches a girl who is wearing her va-jay-jay around her neck, he knows exactly what he’s getting himself into. Literally.
Really? No one likes this girl?
Here’s the Problem: Heidi (we all know which one… went off on Twitter about her friends…or lack of them in this case. “I HAVE NO FRIENDS.” I can’t get over the intellect radiating from this twat’s
tweets. Heidi and my girl T-swizzle need to form a club for girls who have no friends or are unpopular.
Actual Problem: The fact that I can just call this fembot by her first name and we automatically know who she is. It’s like Madonna, Cher or my BFF Oprah.
Here’s The Problem: It has been brought to our attention by our very good friend, Miss Claire “Bear” Hambrick, that Ed Hardy has developed a “sex line“. Condoms – with snake tattoos on them? I’m soooo very confused.
Actual Problem: To all the dudes out there – if sex with you is so damn boring that you want to pretty up your rod with a designer condom – you’ve got big (or small) problems.
Here’s the Problem: We received the below email from a very special guest blogger (who will go unnamed to protect the futures of her adorable children who do not deserve a life of shame):
I attended a naughty girl party last weekend and long story short, had a ball and now I’m the proud owner of a stripper pole.
So here’s the problem… when should I have it installed and then where? I was thinking when the kids leave over summer break, maybe perhaps inside my room (locked up) or the guest room i.e. my daughter’s room wheneva she decides 2 visit (which has been quite often over these last couple of weeks) WTH am I 2 do?
Mother of the year
p.s. I’m in the best shape of my life, I damn near work out 5 days a week now ( supplement my income perhaps wit privates, Lol)
p.s.s. Don’t Judge!!!!
Actual Problem: Oh. There are a hundred things wrong with this. Mostly having to do with the fact that she didn’t take into account where a ceiling beam might be to insure a successful installation, but moreso in the post post script. “Don’t judge”???? Good luck. You sent this email the wrong two girls.
flops are flops.
Here’s The Problem: (I’m going to get in trouble for this one but I’m doing it anyway.) I have this hatred dislike for Tory Burch and all her silly products with T’s all over the damn place. SO, when I found out about her flippin’ flop line – that costs more than my new friend Vinny (the fantastic man who works in the shoe department at Neiman Marcus) makes in 2 hours – I was appalled.
Actual Problem: Flip flops are all the same. They just are. Put a T on that, Tory.
told ya so.
Here’s The Problem: Did I not say, less than a month ago, that these 2 would not last (no,no, not cause Joe likes boys….did I say that?? With those glasses? Straight as an arrow.) Anyhow, not to pat myself on the back but – I was RIGHT.
Actual Problem: Joe had his DAD call Demi and break up with her for him.