Here’s The Problem: The New Cast of Dancing With the Stars

Here’s The Problem: Below is the complete list of the new cast for this season of Dancing with the Stars:

Brandy; Jennifer Grey; Margaret Cho; Audrina Patridge; Florence Henderson; Bristol Palin; Michael Bolton; Mike “the Situation” Sorrentino; David Hasselhoff; Kurt Warner; Kyle Massey; Rick Fox

Actual Problem: When did this turn into Dancing with the D-List?

***Special thanks to Searls for bringing this list of losers to our attention.

Here’s The Problem: Cat Registration

Here’s The Problem: On July 16th, 2010 it became mandatory for residents of Long Beach, CA to officially register their cats. To me, that is like having to register a large rat or even a gerbil. But that’s besides the point.  There are costs associated with this registration. For young cats that are not fixed – $90.00, for young cats that are fixed – $20.00 – for old cats – $10.00.

Actual Problem: Feline Agism! What kind of message are we sending? That if you’re old you’re not worth as much???? It saddens me.

Here’s The Problem: Hurley

Here’s The Problem: It has come to my attention that Weezer has named their newest album: HURLEY – after the character from Lost. They have also used a large photo of his face as the cover art. And for some reason I can’t stop staring at it….

Actual Problem: I JUST realized why I have felt a special love for Hurley for so many years……

Here’s the Problem: Not That Close

Here’s The Problem: Housewife (aka Prost….Whore) Danielle Staub has decided that she is now a pop star with her dance debut of “Close to You”.  Watch and enjoy.

Actual Problem: She decided to pick up The Situation’s gay cousins outside the studio door and asked them to dance with her.

Here’s The Problem: ♥♥♥♥Kirstie is Back!♥♥♥♥

Here’s The Problem: We all know that I wish upon a star to be adopted by Kirstie Alley. And we also know that I watched her show religiously this season – and NOW – dreams have (sorta) come true and it is re-airing, starting tonight, on Lifetime!!!!!!!!!!!!

Actual Problem: I am going to watch every single episode again…..anyone want to join me? Then come on down to loser town!

Here’s The Problem: Activia and Jamie Lee

Here’s The Problem: Ok, you know what I am SO done with? The commercials where Jamie Lee Curtis is plugging Activia yogurt. Like, she’s sitting on a couch in some and in others she’s talking about the “Activia Challenge” and in one she’s even pushing a cart through a park. All this for yogurt that makes you shit. Come on Jamie! Come on people of America! Eat some bran! And Jamie – do a Revlon commercial or something! Christ Almighty.

Actual problem: Relying on Jamie Lee and her magic yogurt to fix your bowel situation.

Here’s the Problem: Your Gay Husband

Here’s the Problem:  Christwire.org (our fave site for everything Jesus) posted this gem of an article to help struggling wives figure out if their husband is gay.  Possible tell-tale signs include feigning attention in prayer groups and being sarcastic. You know those gays and their wit (or should I say, those breeders and their lack of humor)

Actual Problem: My favorite sure sign that your man wants cock – he looks at gossip websites.   Sorry boys – it’s confirmed – if you found yourself here, you’re definitely into dudes.

Here’s The Problem: Snooki: Armed (with Vodka) and Annoying

Here’s The Problem: My girl is being formally charged with annoying people! Who KNEW you could do that to someone?????

Actual Problem: I’ve actually stopped working and have been making out my list of people to press charges against for the past hour…..

Here’s The (NON) Problem: Burlesque

Here’s The Problem: Not since Coyote Ugly have I been this excited for a movie that others are going to ruthlessly mock. And you guys - CHER – come ON!!!!!!!!!!!!! How excited are you???? Not since the Farewell Tour (that lasted 4 years) have I been this excited to get my Half Breed T-shirt out!

Actual Problem: This is going to be one of those situations where I’m at the movies ALONE.

Here’s The Problem: Teen Mom: Your Child is Not a Doll (A Guest Blogger Post from Searls!)

Here’s The Problem: Has anyone been watching Teen Mom?  On this week’s episode, not unlike the rest, Farrah haphazardly leaves her baby Sophia alone, this time on a bed, while she runs into another room to take a call.  As anyone with half a brain could have guessed, Sophia then promptly FALLS OFF the bed and screams bloody murder.  Shocking!  Farrah has also left Sophia alone in a KITCHEN SINK (!?!) where Sophia then turns on the faucet and BURNS herself.  I mean, who DIDN’T see the fall and burn coming!?!  In my opinion, Farrah needs to take a trip down the yellow brick road and plead for some common sense.  And perhaps some maternal instincts?  No?  Just a thought.

Actual Problem:  Farrah must have been dropped one too many times as a child as well.

Actual Actual Problem:  Sophia has probably suffered some brain damage at this point.  ROCK ON, FARRAH!