Here’s the Problem: We’re Not Friends

Here’s the Problem:  Yeah, we went to High School together.  We may have shared a lunch period once.  We’ve happened to land up in the same big metropolitan city.  And yeah, I check your lame Facebook updates.

Actual Problem: We’re not friends.  Just cuz we’re both girls doesn’t mean we’re in some kinda club.  I don’t want you to know who my gynecologist is, so please take me off your mass emails where you look for new doctors.   I don’t want to meet you for lunch if you’re near my office and I probably can’t make it to your birthday.

Rule of Thumb:  If I haven’t called/emailed/texted/come up to you drunk at a party and said, “hi,” it’s not because I’m shy.

Here’s The Problem: George Lopez Gets Divorced

Here’s The Problem: George Lopez is divorcing his wife of 17 years. The woman gave him a kidney. I feel an overwhelming sadness for this man (who looks so much like my dad). Why? WHY???? WHY GEORGE??

Actual Problem: Too bad she can’t get that kidney back.

Here’s the Problem: Segway Irony (An Intern Hillary Post!!)

Here’s the Problem: Now y’all know what a segway is right? Of course
you don’t, we’re live in America, DUH! Anywho…a segway is this
upright scooter thingamajig that goes whatever direction the driver
leans. They’re really cool. I drove one once. They’re not that cool
when you drive them over a cliff. Apparently the owner of the Segway
company, James Heselden, died because he drove his segway over a cliff
in England.

Actual Problem: In the words of Alanis Morissette…”Isn’t it
ironic…don’t you think?”

Here’s The Problem: STUPID Car Accessories

Here’s The Problem: In case you are confused – what you are looking at is the bottom of a license plate. It says “Davey’s Mommy”. Kinda like when people put their Alma Mater or “Princess” or “I’d Rather Be Shopping” or any of that ridic shit. And all of that I can sorta stomach – but really? Really with the Mommy thing? I get that you’re proud (kinda). I get that Moms are really in love with their kids (kinda)…… but is it necessary to display that on the back of your Honda Accord?

Actual Problem: You know what I really miss seeing? Those bumper stickers that say “My kid can kick you honor roll student’s ass.” Let’s get some more of those out there! Right?? RIGHT??? THAT would be a car accessory to be proud of.

Here’s the Problem: Tom Jones Goes Grey

Here’s the Problem:  No.  It’s not unusual to have grey hair at 68.  It is unusual to see Tom Jones, former Sex Bomb, sporting a white fro and trying real hard to rock it.

Actual Problem: As my friend Aimee points out, “Brotha needs some hair dye.  I know he’s not at Bieber popularity levels anymore, but to some this is a national tragedy.”

Actual Actual Problem: Yeah, I have friends that care about this.  It’s great.  Aimee’s great.  Stop judging her just cuz she loves a 68 year old man with a snow cone top.

Here’s the Problem: Lilo – Back at it! (and “it” is jail)

Here’s the Problem: We’re not breaking news here, just sharing the problem of the day – Lindz is back in the clinker after failing a drug test.

Actual Problem:  The helicopters flying over my apartment since the crack of dawn.  People go to jail every day, ghetto birds.  How about tomorrow you hover over the neighborhood where Charlie Sheen lives starting at 6:30 am.

Here’s the Problem: Blogger Prom

Here’s the Problem: Last night was Blogger Prom!  A magical night filled with food and drink and more food and cheese on top peanut brittle and people taking out their phones to talk about the food.  From the dress code to the photographer to the incredible gift bags, the night was a huge success.  I caught up with friends I hadn’t seen since last year’s event and met some new ones.  Thanks Blogger Prom Committee for a fantastically planned evening!

Actual Problem:  HTP is still not recognized in the LA community enough to be a Blogger Prom invitee.  Don’t get me wrong, it was great being on the arm of Moye, one of the loveliest 8Asians (a fab blog for your inner asiaphile who can count one of their editors as this years Prom Queen – congrats JozJozJoz!).  But here us now Blogger Prom Committee – we demand a 2011 invite!  … or… kindly and graciously request one.  xoxo

Here’s the Problem: Tropical Storm Lisa

Here’s the Problem:  I’ve been waiting since the mid-90s for my name to be on the Storm List and now, finally, Tropical Storm Lisa is TEARING UP the Atlantic.

Actual Problem: Alright, not exactly… by the time my namesake gets to any landmass it will be a sweet sunshine.  However, I will say being described as “slow and erratically moving”  (yes, both me and the storm) is the highlight of my day.

Here’s the Problem: Time Warp

Here’s the Problem:  Did anyone catch simultaneous late night interviews last night – Stephen Malkmus on Colbert AND Bill Clinton on Letterman?

Actual Problem: Non-drug-induced 90′s flashbacks.  If I wanted to remember middle school I’d put my braces, glasses and chastity belt back on and wait for some Sophmore to throw me in a trash can.

Here’s the Problem: The 106-year-old Virgin

Here’s the Problem: Isabelle Blythe just turned 106 and when some Willard Scott-like character asked her the secret to old age she pointed to her virginity.  Homegirl hasn’t even kissed a man/boy/frog in her life.

Actual Problem:  That’s great for Isa here, but too many people take that advice and we’re looking at a final generation of humans.  Nat Geo Special:  When Old Bitties’ Cats Take Over The World.