Here’s The Problem: The Kids Are All Wrong

Here’s The Problem: Children hosting the Oscars? Hathaway and Franco? Last night the Academy decided that they needed to appeal to a different demographic to liven up their show and please their sponsors. For those of you who don’t work in television – that means they needed to get young people on so that young people would watch. Fine. Fine. Fine. But these kids annoyed me. They annoyed me a lot.

Actual Problem: What was with Hathaway yelling like Oprah when she announced someone?

Here’s the Problem: Sobfest 2011 – Part 2!!

Here’s the Problem:  Kara sent me a link to the last post while I was on my way into the office this morning.  Now, I do NOT condone texting while driving, but should there be a Scion (A SCION!! ) completely stopped and blocking Santa Monica Blvd for a mile (A MILE!!) , I DO condone you use the time to catch up on some HTP.

What a beautiful sentiment, Kara.  Despite all the stress and complaining, I am 1000% thankful for this job because it brought us together.

Now, once I was able to start breathing through my blubbering (and pull around the fucking Scion), I thought – This ho is replacing me????  With a guy who still wears his high school ring????

Actual Problem:  Fear not, readers.  The blog will go on!!  We have a 2 year anniversary coming up and some very exciting developments that we can’t wait to share.  And maybe – just maybe – Chris Kim will remember to bring in his camera some day.

Here’s The Problem: The End of an Era

taken in 2007......

Here’s The Problem:  A hundred years ago a girl named LISA came to work at our un-identified company. She was fun and crazy and she became my friend. And over the years we laughed, fought, cried and drank (a lot). We saw each other through each and every day here at our un-identified place of employment. And today –  is Lisa’s last day. She is moving on to do something bigger – better – and I am really, really going to miss her.

Actual Problem: Next in line to be my Bitter-Betty partner in crime is an older gentleman who wears his access badge around his neck….we’re gonna make a great team.

Bitchin in Unison Since 2006

Here’s the Problem: Royal Ridiculousness

Here’s the Problem:  The Today Show was covering Prince William and Kate’s all important “pour champagne on a boat because we’re rich and can be wasteful” ceremony.  And I mean, they were COVERING it.  They even broke away from their “Bow to Wow” segment (where stray dogs get manicures, duh) to show the happy couple being all… British.

Actual Problem:  This shit might fly on Good Morning London, but here in the states we should have a higher standard.  Cut the Goddamn umbilical cord already.  You don’t own us anymore!!  …(China does)

Here’s The Problem: Celeb Girls vs. Normal Girls

Here’s The Problem: Kim Kardashian is dating a new man – a TALL man – Kris Humphries from the New Jersey Nets! Kimmie and Kris have been dating for a brief period of time – 3 months – and Kim tweeted a picture of Kris when he was a child and said “I want my son to look like this!”

Actual Problem: This is the difference between celebrities and real people. If Kim Kardashian does something nuts like that at the 3 month mark – everyone says AWWWW, Kim is in love. If a normal girl did something like that everyone would hand her a box of tissues cause she’s a stage 5 clinger who just got herself dumped.

Here’s The Problem: Baby, Baby, Bieber

Here’s The Problem: Baby Bieber graces the cover of this month’s Rolling Stone – looking like an eight year old girl with a Mohawk…..

The Bieb talks sex: “I think you should just wait for the person you’re…in love with”

The Bieb talks Canada: “Canada’s the best country in the world”

The Bieb talks dead babies: “I really don’t believe in abortion,” he admits. “It’s like killing a baby?”

Actual Problem:

ON Sex: I love that sentiment Beiby but I’m creeped out cause you look twelve and you’re talking about f**king….

ON Canada: Uh – this is AMERICA

ON Dead Babies: it’s “like” killing a baby? Let’s not talk about grown up stuff till we stop using “like” in all of our sentences.

Here’s the Problem: NO

Here’s the Problem:

kara(4:44:53 PM): BUNNY

lisa (4:45:47 PM): bunny!!

kara(4:45:52 PM): ANGELINA FROM JERSEY SHORE

kara (4:45:53 PM): JUST GOT ENGAGED

lisa(4:45:59 PM): no

lisa(4:45:57 PM): no

lisa(4:45:58 PM): no

lisa(4:45:59 PM): no

kara(4:45:59 PM): yes.

lisa(4:45:59 PM): no

lisa(4:46:00 PM): no

lisa(4:46:00 PM): no

lisa(4:46:01 PM): no

lisa(4:46:01 PM): no

lisa(4:46:02 PM): no

lisa(4:46:02 PM): no

lisa(4:46:03 PM): no

lisa(4:46:03 PM): no

lisa(4:46:04 PM): no

lisa(4:46:05 PM): no

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kara(4:46:11 PM): YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Actual Problem:

lisa(4:46:21 PM): how?????????

Here’s the Problem: Dying in Your Cubicle

Don't worry - this baby did not die. I just think it's selfish that he has a photo of himself on the desk. Asshole.

Here’s the Problem:  An LA County worker was found dead in her cubicle – a day AFTER she died.   Meaning there was at least a good 5 working hours where people around her were like,

“Hey – why isn’t Becky picking up her phone?”

“Lazy.”

or

“Do you smell that?”

“Oh, by Becky’s cube?  I think she’s taking an Indian cooking class.”

Actual Problem:  To make sure this doesn’t happen to you, here are some suggestions -

• Become the cute new assistant who bakes for the office every morning.
• Become the older guy who spends his days reading gossip blogs and sending links to a larger distribution list than is appropriate.
• Become the crazy Italian woman with an accent who laughs really loud.
• Become the gay guy who plays dailies of sex scenes in his office about 3 notches too loud.

Not on this list?  “Become the angry girl who stares you down if you compliment her on wearing make up or a dress”.   Kara and I have some work to do.

Here’s The Problem: Too Much Whining

Here’s The Problem:

Spiritual Addition….

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in the negative aspect of things that we forget all of the positive things. For example, we can mope around wishing we had a different job, life, weight, car, etc. We can bitch and whine and moan about everything that is going WRONG. And when we do this for too long – we get STUCK in the circle of sadness. Today I caught myself moping and then told myself to shut the hell up.

Actual Problem: We need to remember all of the good things in life. And there are LOTS.

 

Ok – done – back to our regularly scheduled program of trash talking etc.

Here’s The Problem: Bad Dads

Here’s The Problem: In a recent interview in GQ mag, Billy Ray has been wah wah WHINING. What is this once-was-a-one-hit-wonder-only-sort-a-had-a-comeback-cause-of-his-do-dah-daughter whining about??? His daughter! He’s “worried” for her and when speaking of Hannah Montana he says:

“destroyed my family…the damn show destroyed my family…It’s all sad.”

Does he wish Miley had never been cast in the show? “I hate to say it, but yes, I do. Yeah. I’d take it back in a second. For my family to be here and just everybody be okay, safe and sound and happy and normal, would have been fantastic. Heck, yeah. I’d erase it all in a second if I could.”

Actual Problem: Parents aren’t supposed to blame their children for things being shitty. Especially when they are living off of their children’s profits.