Here’s the Problem: Kim Kardashian released her new single today – Jam. It’s pretty bad. I mean, it’s not the worst thing in the world, but it’s not the best. I would dance to it if I were at “da club,” but only because I’d be a few drinks in and standing against the wall is lame.
Actual Problem: Here’s is how to place Kimmy K’s new jam in the midst of real life comparisons:
Dying:
Better than drowning
Not better than fume inhalation
Books:
Better than Mike Sorrentino’s “Here’s the Situation”
Not anywhere near as good as Snooki’s “A Shore Thing”
Food:
Better than old bologna
Not better than new bologna
Colors:
Better than orange
Not better than green
Dictators:
Better than Hitler
Not better than Stalin
New Jersey politicians:
Better than Chris Christie
Not better than Corey Booker
Furniture:
Better than chairs
Not better than couches
(guys, I don’t have a job, I can do this all day)
Annoying Things Cats Do:
Better than peeing on stuff
Not better than rubbing their head against the door jam
Other Reality Star Singles:
Better than Kim Z’s “Google Me”
Not better than that shit Dannity Kane had going on
Names for Ikea Products:
Better than EKTORP
Not better than POANG
Reasons I’ve given for breaking up with someone:
Better than, “I’m going to watch TV with the neighbors downstairs”
Not better than, “I have ring worm”
Girl Scout Cookies:
Better than whatever the fuck that berry nonsense is
Not better than Samoas
Awful. Like, painful. Better than a severed limb; not better than dry heave vomiting. Both of which may happen if that crap gets played on the pop stations…..
Nothing is better than Samoas. Nothing.
no. This is bad. Like real bad. you can tell they’ve tried to make her voice sound better. She doesnt even sound like she’s singing.. Why did they think she could sing? just because she looks good naked? I mean, really…we don’t need another “paris hilton” single. She needs to stick with what she knows, being naked
Yeah, I’m gonna say you were pretty nice to this song. I mean, I guess I’d dance to it if I were at the club, but the ‘throwing up all my liquor’ part of the night would probably immediately follow.
I only listened to 50 seconds of it. When I got to “I’m working it like I’m paying my bills, my bills” I stopped. Ugh. And the voice is all… wrong like and not singing like.
One of these days I am going to have to try these American girl scout cookies. Canada has mint chocolate (the best) and vanilla and chocolate (in the same box) They are sold at different times of the year, none of this magical many choices things. Which is okay, I can’t make decisions anyways.
I live for the lemon cookies