Here’s the Problem: Greg just got a little bit older (which means that he should probably grow up a bit too, but maybe we’ll wait till it’s not his birthday to criticize his maturity).
Actual Problem: He ditched this town so it doesn’t really matter anyway.
Happy Birthday Greggers. When are we gonna go to flight school?
Here’s the Problem: I have afforded the luxury to have a radio in my car that alerts me when my favorite songs or bands are coming on another station. Did y’all know I was that fancy? Prolly not. Anyway, one of my listed favorites was (is? was) Dionne Warwick’s “I Say A Little Prayer For You”. Every 3-4 days or so my radio would *bing* and tell me it’s on the Love channel, or 60′s on 6 or something. The last few months I’ve ignored it because Ms. Warwick annoyed the FUCK out of me on The Apprentice by being the worst kinda old lady bitch in the world (that being a slow and lazy old lady bitch). But let bygones be bygones. I need me some “My Best Friend’s Wedding” throw back. So this morning – *bing* ! I switch the station and this time – I listen. I listen to them words. I think you should too…
The moment I wake up
Before I put on my makeup
I say a little prayer for you
While combing my hair, now,
And wondering what dress to wear, now,
I say a little prayer for you
How lovely. Girlfriend’s in love. That’s a nice feeling. He’s the first thing she thinks about every morning. Having a lot of dresses in her closet. That’s nice. But oh… ummm… did I just hear…
My darling believe me, (believe me)
For me there is no one but you!
Awww… How sweet! But wait… what?
Please love me too
This is my prayer (answer my prayer)
Answer my prayer now babe (answer my prayer)
Oh… Oh. So… this isn’t your boyfriend DiDi? This is just some dude you are wasting all your time (and all through your coffee break time) thinking about? Some rando who doesn’t love you back? Oh no girl no.
Actual Problem: Listen up fools (and I’m talking to you Kristen Cavallari and Kate Bosworth and Ryan Reynolds and everyone else who has just been broken up with) – there is no such thing as loving someone that doesn’t love you back. That’s just not love. So brush yourself off, pick out a dress, and while you’re riding that bus dear, think of yourself dear.
Here’s The Problem: Over the weekend, Kim Kardashian crashed her hubby-to-be’s bachelor party. Once again, I would like to show the differences between the REAL world and CELEB world. If a normal girl had crashed her fiancés bachelor party we would all be screaming c-words:
Crazy! Clingy! Co-Dependant! Controlling!
Actual Problem: In Celeb world they are all screaming: CUTE!
Here’s the Problem: The cotton collection will make a matching outfit for your dog if you send them a photo of your favorite look.
Actual Problem: I want a matching outfit for my cat for when I wear my denim jumpsuit.
Actual Actual Problem: It’s not funny cuz it’s true.
Here’s The Problem: A movie is coming out on Friday called Friends with Benefits. It’s about a pair of REALLY hot friends who decide to have sex without feelings or a relationship. Fine, fine – that’s all well and good until I realize – wait – have I seen this movie before? In fact, have I seen this movie recently? Wasn’t Natalie Portman the gal half of another hot-doing- it –duo? YES. Yes she was.
Actual Problem: I’m Black Swan Crazy now and I cannot figure out who is who – who’s doing who and why and how and HOW did the same movie get made twice in a year?
Here’s The Problem: Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo (prob spelled wrong but let’s face it – who really gives a shit?) allowed cameras into their lives to film their wedding. It’s sure to be a tear-jerking special on TLC and I for one cannot wait to see it. Cause, you know, that worked out so well for Nick the LAST time…..
Actual Problem: What the hell is Lachey thinking?? He’s one step away from Chicken of the Sea: The Sequel.
**please enjoy this music video – I used to know all the words – IN SPANISH!
Here’s The Problem: J-Lo & Marc have split! This comes as a crushing blow to the Latin American population who had long been in search of a King and Queen of Music. They needed a couple that rivaled Tim McGraw and Faith Hill – and low and behold – they got one. A few kids later, and in the wake of her success on Idol and of course, the Pantene Pro-V commercials, J-Lo must have been feeling that she could do better than Skeletor (WHAT??? You thought it too). And rightfully so! After all, she is Jenny from the Block.
Actual Problem: While performing inColumbiaover the weekend, Marc said to the audience “They’re saying I’m single.” And WE’RE saying – someone is in DENIAL.
Here’s the Problem: Scientists in San Diego are working extra hard on making the future better. I’m not talking about getting rid of AIDS, or helping rats grow more ears on their backs – I’m talking Smell-o-vision. FINALLY.
Actual Problem: Awesome for the next season of Top Chef. Not so great for the next season of Jersey Shore.
Here’s the Problem: Summer TV sucks balls. I came home last night and my roommate was watching Jesus TV – LIVE. Not even a Tivo’d documentary about the Shroud of Turin. I mean, he was in, commercials and all. That in itself is a problem.
I have turned to more crappy reality TV. Including watching broke teenage moms negotiate loans for boob jobs and butt-faced women talk about smushing mobsters for a living.
Actual Problem: The most unfortunate of all this reality TV nonsense – sloppy messes who own multiple onesies. Jessica Kiper (No, I don’t know who that is either) showed up on Celeb Rehab last episode with a suitcase full of them. Where’s the rehab for that mistake?