Here’s the Problem: Beyonce announced – in a pretty classy way, if I may say so myself – that she is indeed, with child. This is fantastic. She’ll be a great mom. Or something. Whatever. Here’s my issue – how come we didn’t know about this? Reports of fake baby bumps come out every day. Every time Jennifer Aniston has a cheeseburger (fine, veggie burger in live sprouted “bread”) we see a magazine cover boasting an interview with her OB/GYN. How did Sasha Fierce get away with keeping this a secret for (reportedly) four months??
Actual Problem: So if Beyonce can be pregnant and not show up on every tabloid as soon as she started show, it proves to the celeb world that it is possible – You can have you cake, eat it, and not land up on PerezHilton with a question mark and an arrow pointing to your belly. Here are the rules:
1. DON’T wear jersey, fitted silk, or empire waist dresses.
2. If you find yourself in one of these bump-spotting outfits – DON’T stop drinking. I don’t care if you’re hung over. I don’t care if you’re in rehab. If you’re going to walk around with a tummy – the only way to avoid the rumors is to keep putting away the shots.
3. Don’t put your hand on your belly. You don’t have a life form in there – you’re just digesting a burrito. Keep your hands to your sides.
**This has been a public service announcement from the HTP girls. You’re fucking welcome.
Here’s the Problem: Guys – This is the best thing that’s ever happened. Watch it. Stat.
When I saw this article on AdWeek about a Dutch marketing agency that can put your Facebook life into a little personalized movie, I was in. I mean, yes, you have to give them access to your Facebook, but let’s be real – I think some identity theft could only improve my credit rating at this point. Anyway, even if it’s just a really awesome technology and I don’t really have 3 Dutch girl stalkers, I can replay it over and over and over and pretend. Today just got a lot better.
Actual Problem: Reminder to Self: Add mention in Facebook profile that I don’t like milk.
Hi, Here’s the Problem fans! Suki from [Super Duper Fantastic], and I was lucky enough to be partnered up with Kara and Lisa for this round of 20SB Blog Swap, the end of summer edition. I will be over here today, while they will be over at my blog with their Wordless Wednesday post. Check it out when you get a chance!
Here’s the Problem: I have spent way too much money this summer. Most months, my expenses > income, and savings = 0.
Actual Problem: There IS no problem. Every single penny spent – worth it. For the first time in my life, I’ve taken time off at least once a month and gone somewhere. Each time I get back into work, I feel refreshed and ready to tackle the next project.
Vacations – you have to take ‘em when you can! It looks like this traveling pattern will continue through the fall. What else am I saving my money for?
The Most Interesting Man on the Internet
Here’s the Problem: This is probably a really interesting article. Read it. Or don’t. I didn’t. I’ll promote it anyway. My friend didn’t write it. Not even my other friend. I just saw it, ok?
There’s a girl who looks like Doug on the internet. Trust me. I know things.
Listen, I’m in a mood. It’s not a bad one. It’s actually kinda funny. Hey! You specifically – look toward me. See - that kinda mood. I am going to ruin watching So You Think You Can Dance tonight. Hear me, Jason?
Actually, Jason – can you hear me? Let’s move in here. Also, Kara has a rain CD that can help you fall asleep if you’re having trouble. She swears by it.
Actual Problem: I already have a funeral plot. Did you know that? My parents got me one. It’s really thoughtful of them. The ultimate birthday gift… in opposite world.
Also, use the internet wisely, friends. If you got engaged, put a picture of your finger with the ring on Facebook. That is actually what facebook is for. Not for Farmville. For your ring. Thanks America.
Here’s the Problem: Daniel Edwards creates art. Art is love. Love is all. Therefore, Daniel Edwards is all. Fine. But this sculpture of naked Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez is insane. A. They’re CHILDREN. It’s inappropriate to sculpt children in the nude and B. They’re CHILDREN. Would you want a sculpture of the naked you and your naked boyfriend from when you were 17? Probz notz.
Actual Problem: The Goose/Armadillo cross-species copulation in the foreground of this art. What animals would represent your physical relationships when you were 17? I’d go with porcupine and sea pig.
Here’s the Problem: Shaquille O’Neal found a new girl – Nikki Alexander. She’s 5’3. I’m 5’3! We’re practically related.
Actual Problem: I’m in pain just looking at that photo. Mmm… love.
Here’s the Problem: Charlene Yi is joining the cast of House as a regular. She will play a doctor on House’s diagnostic team. No, I didn’t say stoner – I said doctor.
Actual Problem: I know that she’s Asian, but I don’t get it.
Here’s The Problem: I noticed recently that while I have 303 “friends” on Facebook, I have hidden about 250 of them. Why? I think it is because of these typical Facebook personas that are, well, annoying the shit outta me. For example:
Crazy Facebook Mom – The mother who posts the daily (hourly) goings-on of her child. Much to the disdain of her child-less pals…do we really care that little Jimmy just ate glue? That’s info for the check- in desk at Cedars.
Newly Married Facebook Gal – The newlywed who’s eyes are still sparkling from the big day. Lost of updates on “cooking dinner for my man” etc. Stop telling us how happy you are – go have sex with your “man” and pipe down!
Facebook Philosopher – The Facebooker who updates their status with important, life changing quotes… “Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil. For thou art with me. Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. Because I carry a big stick and I’m the meanest mother fucker in the valley! Two sharks down, Lord! One demon fish to go! Can I get an Amen?” – LL Cool J – Deep Blue Sea
Facebook Whore – Do I need to elaborate on this? If I see nipple it’s over.
Actual Problem: I feel like my status updates about eating churros for breakfast are sub-par.
Here’s the Problem: It’s intern Hillary’s birthday! She may be going into her Sophmore year at college, but we will always remember her looking like this (even if we did meet her when she was 17… ok, fine, we never met, but that’s about the time we started mutual Facebook photo stalking).
Actual Problem: They grow up so fast….