Here’s the Problem: Kourtney Kardashian is Having a Baby!

 

Here’s the Problem:  

Lisa:  Hey – Kourtney Kardashian is preggers again

Kara: I heard!  Problem.

Lisa:     Yes! Cuz like – why’s she getting knocked up again after she shot down Scott’s marriage proposal??

Putting a ring on it is too much of a commitment, but creating a life with someone and feeding it’s hairy mouth for 18 years is ok?

Kara:    it is odd.   It’s like she uses Scott as her live in sperm donor

Lisa:    I mean, legit, I wouldn’t want to marry him either

Kara:    God – no one would

Lisa:    but at the same time I don’t want my kid to have his  DNA
I mean, I wouldn’t even  want his DNA near me
or in me

Kara:  ewwwww

Actual Problem: 

Kara:    i just want Khloe and Lamar to have a baby
what’s the hold up with that?

 

Here’s The Problem: The “I Hate Balls” Campaign

Here’s The Problem: This new PSA for dog nuetering is…well…different. It’s the “I Hate Balls” campaign. Ok, I see what you’re trying to do here…not sure why Heigl is topless for it cause it’s not the “I Love Boobs” campaign but…ok….seems to be less about dogs – more about balls….

 Heigl quote: “Unfortunately I can’t cut the nuts off human men — yet,” she quips. “So I’ve dedicated my time to the neutering of dogs because that’s legal.“

Actual Problem: I feel like this is a little intense…I mean sure, balls aren’t my favorite thing but there are worse things out there – right?

Here’s The Problem: Enjoying the Small Things

Here’s The Problem: I have to share…..it’s sort of a problem and sort of not.  I stumbled across this blog about 3 months ago and I have become oddly obsessed with it. I wait and wait for a new post to go up. I look at the pictures over and over and I read and re-read entries that I have already scoured 5 or more times. Why??????? This gal is so cheerful! She is so upbeat! She is so glass half full! She’s like – the anti-HTP…and yet…..

Actual Problem: I just don’t know….but you read this blog and tell me you’re not in LOVE with this chick and her kids.

Here’s The Problem: Holiday Insanity

Here’s The Problem: Over Thanksgiving weekend I had a lot of alone time….that’s right, LOTS and LOTS of quality time with ME. And when you are all alone you tend to get CRAZY ideas. Like joining a gym.  It’s been 3 days. I have been to the gym one time. I have decided to quit the gym and now have been informed that I have to write THIS ridic letter to get out of my membership….

Actual Problem: Why couldn’t I just shop online like a normal lonely person?

Here’s The Problem: Smell Like Jennifer Aniston

 

Here’s The Problem: Um, did you know that Jennifer Aniston has her own fragrance? And did you know that it is called Jennifer Aniston?

 

Actual Problem: For the first time in six years, I am on team Angelina.

 

 

 

Here’s the Problem: Occupy Los Angeles

Here’s the Problem:  Now that the original Occupy Wall Street movement has been dismantled, Occupy LA is the largest group of people protesting… whatever it is that they are protesting (percentage points?).  Last night’s accounts put crowd numbers anywhere between 700 and 2000 people.

Actual Problem:  700-2000 people??? That’s it??? C’mon LA!  With your “actors” and “producers” and “writers” (shut up, your mom uses quotation marks too when she’s paying your cell phone bill from across the country), and with your 72 degree weather.  What else do you have to do?  Occupy my favorite coffee shop with your New Girl spec and your thick rimmed glasses and your  Macbooks? Get down there and fight!  Or at least get out of my face.

Here’s The Problem: Kim Can’t Stop Whining

Here’s The Problem: My girls are in the next issue of Glamour and Kimmie is whining. <SIGH>

Kimberly, listen, we have been over this….when you are a millionaire and you throw a fake wedding – there’s no whining!

And you for SURE don’t get to whine about never having kids:

And that means, perhaps, no children of her own. “At first I was like, I want six kids. Then I went down to four, then I was down to three.and now I’m like, maybe I won’t have any,” she says glumly. “Maybe I’ll just be a good aunt…At this moment in my life, I feel like maybe I’m not supposed to have kids and all that.”

Actual Problem: Kimmie, you know you can call China and buy yourself a baby today. Stop the lies!!!

TEAM KHLOE & LAMAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here’s The Problem: Holding Hands While Running

Here’s The Problem: Ya know what’s stupid? Running and holding hands. Separately – these two actions are fine, but together – POPPYCOCK! I saw a couple attempting this odd juxtaposition this very morning. And I thought – STUPID.

Actual Problem: Is this exercise or foreplay? Stop the bullshit. Some things don’t need to be done together.

Here’s the Problem: OUR 1000TH POST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lisa: Hey! Did you notice we have 999 posts up on HTP? The next one will be the thousandth!!!

Kara: OMG!  We are so amazing!

Lisa: We’re the best ever!

Kara: So insightful! We spot a problem like nobody’s business!
We can make a problem out of a solution.

Lisa: We can complain about anything – good or bad

Kara: right or wrong. fair or unfair.

Lisa: Hey Kar, this isn’t good

Kara: I know….

Kara: We’re like the old men from The Muppets

Lisa: At least we have each other…

Kara: That is true. And for this – I am truly thankful

Lisa: Awww, maybe we can do a thankful post

Kara:  OHH!!!!! I kinda like that. A lot.

Lisa: we can be thankful for all the problems in our lives that inspire this thing -
being single
getting laugh lines

Kara: and for stupid celebrities
thankful that lindsay lohan hasn’t discovered common sense

Lisa: and kim kardashian hasn’t discovered liposuction and her mom hasn’t discovered shame

Kara: Yes! Yes!

Lisa: and we can be thankful that this blog (and our friendship) has survived 1000 whiney, complaining, bitchy posts

Kara: Yes! Yes! I am thankful for all those things!

Kara: Wow, 1000 problems. 1000 pieces of happiness that stemmed from pieces of anger and annoyance. But, you know Li, you said it best – “hate brings people together more than love”

Here’s The Problem: Christina’s White Dress

Here’s The Problem: Ooof. Girl. This dress………..

Look. Let’s be real – I don’t want to hate on curves. I have them. I like them. And I’m not saying she’s fat – because she certainly is not. But when this girl was getting dressed – did anyone THINK? Did anyone say, hmmm, should she put on this skin tight WHITE dress that her tits are popping out of while her Spanx are doing all they can to rectify the lower portion of her body?

Actual Problem: White after Labor Day, bitch. We have these rules for a REASON.