Here’s the Problem: As if paying for a backwards robe for yourself wasn’t wasteful enough – now you can get one for your dog! You know, that animal that sits around your house with its own BUILT IN COAT OF FUR!!
Actual Problem: If you act now, you receive a talking dog tag! There’s nothing like finding a lost dog and then strangling it while you try to hear what its owner recorded,
I’m Grumbles. I live at 123 Main Street. I pee on my Snuggie a lot, so make sure you buy a back up when you adopt me.
**Thanks to Miss Nora Grossman for bringing this to our attention. And also for pointing out they come in an extra small so all my WeHo neighbors and their toy spaniels can join in the fun.
Turn your thoughts into cash? Why are we still eating ramen every night?
Here’s the Problem: Found a copy of “Hybrid Mom” laying on a co-worker’s desk this morning. This quarterly publication caters to women who are mothers and have a day job (this is contrary to my assumption that it was about ladies and their Priora (which is plural for Prius in case you aren’t up on your Latin ) ). Does this magazine really need to exist? We’re in a recession AND an environmental crisis – I think Redbook can cover your need to learn about Detox Diets.
Actual Problem: Sarah Palin is the new mailroom clerk at HB Mom Mag and… oh wait, nevermind, she just quit.
**Thanks Matt (yes, Matt) for giving up his issue long enough for me to scan the cover. I’ll bring it right back!
a m a z i n g
Here’s The Problem: Toddlers and Tiaras on TLC.
Have you watched? YOU MUST. It’s insanity. Last night a mother allowed her daughter to use the “stage name” TOOTIE. Really??????? (For the record, Tootie was a brat and a half and liked to refer to herself in the 3rd person….. )Last week, another mother, made her 5 year old daughter cry because her dress had a tear: “that’s gonna be points off!!”. Therapy Alert! Therapy Alert!
Actual Problem: Dressing little girls up and making them look like 35 year old Las Vegas Showgirls is not a good idea.
If you are this dude, please contact me.
Here’s the Problem: Lifegems, a company that specializes in creating diamonds from human hair, has acquired some of the hair folicles charred in the Pepsi fire fiasco of 1984 and are going to make it into DIAMONDS!
Actual Problem: Elizabeth Taylor already has a bid on them and has asked the crypt keeper to put them in her next wedding ring.
Here’s The Problem: Taylor Momsen of GOSSIP GIRL is on the cover of Teen Vogue this month. She is very very very grown up and she wants us all to know it: “I live a very adult life. I just can’t relate to what [high school kids] talk about—it seems so petty.”
Actual Problem: Lil’ Tay Tay is 16. Wipe some of that eyeliner off and you get Cindy Lou Who.
Here’s The Problem:
*names have been changed to protect the foolish
Ginger: So I was at this party the other night and I was dancing and dancing – and then this girl I met asked me if I like to “party”….
Mary Anne: Oh boy…
Ginger: And so I said “Yeah!” and the SHE said “great – I’ve got a bag of blow in my car!”
Mary Anne: Honey, when someone asks you if you like to party when you’re ALREADY at a party – they mean DRUGS.
Actual Problem: Words often have more than one meaning.
Insert pun about sticky situations here.
Here’s the Problem: Three women were the victims of vicious office supply attacks in Pasadena, TX last week. In all three instances a man followed the women around a discount department store and sprayed superglue into the victims’ hair.
Actual Problem: The suspect is is still on run. Stay away from Walmart if you live in Texas. This has been a public service announcement from the Here’s the Problem ladies.