Monthly Archives: November 2009

Here’s the Problem: RipT Fusion

Here’s the Problem:  RipT Fusion is a form-fitted T-shirt that is injected with steroids so a guy is instantly transformed from flab to fab when he puts it on.  It’s for men who really like fried food and also like being attractive.  Guess what? You can’t have both, lard ass.  I know because I’m a chick, and spanks are not the answer to anyone’s problems.

Actual Problem:  When you take this fit-looking boy home and take off his shirt, there is no hiding what nature can’t conceal.  It’s revenge for all the disappointment the miracle bra has brought over the years.


Thank you to Dr. Sophie Ambrose for this post.  Her expert medical opinion is to stay away from a shirt you need a prescription for.

Here’s the Problem: Texas Marriage Ban

Here’s the Problem:  Last week  Texas attorney Barbara Ann Radnofsky noticed the wording in a state constitutional amendment designed to ban gay marriage might actually ban ALL marriage.  The clause reads,

Marriage in this state shall consist only of the union of one man and one woman. This state … may not create or recognize any legal status identical or similar to marriage.

Actual Problem:  “Marriage” is kinda identical to “marriage”.  No worries though, under this law Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odon would still be safe, because whatever that is, it’s not identical to marriage.

Here’s The Problem: Mariah Carey Christmas

Here’s The Problem: “Mimi” was part of some Christmas Light extravaganza at a mall in London. She demanded to be surrounded by white kittens and rats (ok maybe they were doves) for the event.

Actual Problem: Someone call PETA – I think she tried to smuggle some of the animals out of that mall in the back of her dress…

Here’s the Problem: Stoners Making Decisions

Here’s the Problem:  The LA City  Attorney has been on the war path the last couple years trying to ban the sale of medical marijuana at the hundreds of dispensaries around the city.   But luckily, our democratic system of government prevails and council committees ignored his suggestions and simply revised the standing provision to state that dispenseries can sell, but not make a profit.

Actual Problem:  Wait… what was I talking about?   Oh, yeah.  Ummm… I’m not sure there’s a problem here.  I’ll uhhh… wait, what were talking about?  Oh yeah!  Here’s the problem – the people who benefit most from this discussion have probably been too otherwise occupied to celebrate the news.

Happy Friday Everyone!

Here’s the Problem: Unnecessary Mammogram Bullshit

Here’s the Problem:  The United States Preventative Services Task Force (that name alone is problem) has issued a statement that they’re not really recommending mammograms for women between 40 and 49 anymore.  Because, ya know, it’s a pain to get checked out, and it’s only someone’s life at stake.  This coming from the same task force that doesn’t think women should do self examinations.   The last thing we need is bad science like this convincing insurance companies to not cover life-saving tests.

Actual Problem:  1 in 1,900 women in this age group is going to get breast cancer if she’s diagnosed or not, and we all know the benefits of early detection.   What better way to show your support by plastering this message across your boobs!!! Spreading the message about getting checked out while being checked out?  That’s the kinda dream that message tees are made of!

Thank you to Kathleen Moore for being a reasonable voice in this debate and for designing these awesome shirts.   (And also for passing along this gem.  Just as controversial.)

Here’s the Problem: Slow Realizations

Here’s the Problem: You know how some nights have a lasting impression and other nights you don’t really remember until you find a pizza slicer in your purse, or get that bill for Cat Fancy magazine.  Well, Sunday was one of those nights.  Thankfully, I wasn’t alone so there are actual human accounts of what happened.  Anyway, my last post about guys that wear gym clothes to the mall was inspired by drinking partners Cory and Cameron, who I TOTALLY know and enjoy the company of.  Sorry…

Actual Problem:  Apologizing to guys you ditched in a hot tub through the blog is gonna get old really quick…

Here’s the Problem: Gym Wear

Here’s the Problem:  Glad to see you just worked out, douche with the headband walking down the center of the Grove, but any chance you could change out of that sweat stained Ed Hardy wife beater before you sit next to me at the movies?

Actual Problem:  We’re all for physical activity, but nothing says you take care of yourself more than finding 10 minutes to shower between hitting the gym and reserving a table at the Cheesecake Factory.

Thanks to… someone for pointing out this problem.  We love submissions, but in the future, if you’re going to approach me at a bar with a problem, you better tattoo your name on my arm (and maybe a sketch of your face) so I remember why I’m doing this the next day.