Here’s The Problem: Andre Agassi

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D.A.R.E

Here’s the Problem:  Tennis star Andre Agassi recently released a book that admits what a huge fuck up he is – he only played the sport he was a God in because he was afraid of his dad;  was addicted to crystal meth; wore hair pieces to disguise his drug-induced hair loss; and maybe most shameful of all, left his super model wife, Brooke Shields, to be with Stefi Graf.  If you ever needed proof that drugs ruin your judgment – look at a side by side picture of these women in the 90s.

Actual Problem:  There are bald, tennis-hating meth heads in Fresno who will be serving a 5-year sentence for their drug addiction, while Agassi is going to remain a free man, making millions off his book.  There have to be consequences tied to his admissions and maybe it’s time for Agassi to be a man for once and give up his ill-won trophies.  It’ll probably be as easy as giving up the trophy wife he didn’t deserve.

**Special Thanks to Ms. Marianne Goode for the tip off on this problem and for reminding me to fill up my gas tank before sundown.

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6 responses to “Here’s The Problem: Andre Agassi

  1. I don’t know about giving up his trophies. After all, not sure meth is considered a performance enhancing drug….

  2. I think the real story here is his remarkably authentic looking, fully functioning mullet-hybrid hairpiece.

    He wore said hairpiece in countless globally televised tennis matches and national TV commercials, yet no one was the wiser.

    On a more serious note, the price his reputation will pay retroactively for admitting drug use and, more so, his hatred of tennis, won’t make up for making millions on top of the tens of millions he already has.

  3. I read the PEOPLE magazine article, and he couldn’t “hang” with Shields’ lifestyle. Lame! And while reading the excerpt from his book about the anxiety he felt leading up to telling Brooke for the first time about his hairpiece situation, I almost fell off the treadmill laughing. I too had been duped all these years, thinking his glorious mullet was real. I don’t know why I assumed such considering his baldness later in life. The kind of bald where it looks like it started when he was a kid… like that bald kid at Jew camp who you felt really sorry for.

  4. Agassi’s a legend! He deserves a trophey for a remerkable career in sports while on crystal meth

  5. Before you make up your mind about Andre Agassi, listen to Terri Gross interview him on Fresh Air:

    -Leland

  6. Don’t you think he should get double the trophies for winning so many tournaments while on crystal meth – i mean it destroys your body , doesn’t help it – so really he’s even more amazing!

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