Here’s the Problem: Well, thank you People Magazine. A secret baby is exactly what we needed this week. Things were just so slow! So here’s the scoop – apparently Sandra Bullock and her Nazi-loving ex-husband adopted a baby a few months ago – back when we thought they were just the most darling odd couple we’ve seen since Renee Zellweger and Jack White – but they’d be planning it for years! On the hush!
Actual Problem: Listen, we don’t make y’all celebrities because we want to see you’re talent expressed on screen. We do it so when you do something foolish because you are so removed from society that you don’t know what normal is, we can take pictures and laugh and judge. Get with the program.