Here’s the Problem: Your Mom Sucks

Here’s the Problem:   Growing up our parents sucked.   They gave us ridiculous curfews and didn’t let us walk around the mall alone till we were in 7th grade.  It sucked, but it didn’t suck as much as getting lost in the middle of the Indian Ocean.  Or being forgotten about at a friend’s house and have a police search out for you.

All of our hearts stopped when we first heard about Abby, the 16 year old who wanted to be the youngest person sail around the world, went missing.  Now that  she’s been found let’s be honest – who let this girl out there?  What kind of parents say OK to an adolescent on a boat alone for an entire fucking year?  Bad parents.

Speaking of bad parents – this ho in NJ had a section of highway and an entire freaking Walmart shut down because she thought she lost her son.  Turns out she had let him go with a friend to the park.

Actual Problem:  I’m dedicating the rest of my weekend to putting together a written and verbal exam required of people before they give birth.  If they fail, that kid has to stay up in that woman’s uterus until she can prove she’s fit to take care of another human being.   Maybe some common sense kicks in around 14 months.

Thanks to Elana Miller for introducing to me to both of these stories.  Apparently she takes parenting super serious, which is funny because we both swore Sophmore year that we would never turn into our overprotective parents (who showed up at the diner across the street from Hebrew High with the cops when we ditched Israel class).  She certainly has better judgment than these idiots.   If you can’t raise your kids – give them to her.


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