Monthly Archives: October 2010

ELECTION GUIDE

Hi Readers!

HTP will release a very biased and slightly ridiculous Election Guide on Monday to help all you fools who don’t know how to read a newspaper.

If you have opinions on candidates or propositions you’d like to share, please email them to: HeresTheProblem (at) gmail (dot) com.

Here’s The Problem: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Here’s The Problem: Has anyone watched The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? These bitches are fantastic. I’m already obsessed with Kyle (brunette with longer hair). She is amazing and is also Paris Hilton’s aunt. So where is the problem? I’ll tell you. It’s Kelsey Grammer’s ding-bat (ex?) wife – Camille. This bitch has 4 nannies – for 2 children and has one of those baby stirpper voices – you know what I’m talking about? Yeah, you do.

Actual Problem: The gal on the far right is a Maloof – which means she is        S U P E R rich and yet she could not afford a plastic surgeon who wouldn’t turn her into creepy cat lady? Hmmm.

Here’s The Problem:Halloween is only for YOUNG Whores

Here’s The Problem: Guys, my slutty days have passed me by……..ok let’s be real – I have never had a “slutty” day in my life…….but on Halloween I used to dress like one. I used to have these rocking parties where I got wayyyy too drunk and wore push up bras and started (small & containable) fires in my apartment and  I was Snow White in stilettos (kinda like this whore in the picture)…..no more.

Actual Problem: My mother tells me not to age myself by saying I’m 30 when I’m actually 27 but I gotta tell ya – some things just don’t fly anymore at this age. For instance it might have been really cute to be a passed out slut-bag princess with Snickers wrappers in my hair and one hand clutching an empty bottle of tequila when I was 22 but NOW….

Here’s the Problem: Kardashian Lawsuit

Here’s the Problem:  This is old news, but I think it’s hilarious and you can’t put a timeline on funny.   There’s a prisoner suing the Kardashians for emotional distress because he has been forced to watch their show in jail – citing the domestic violence and racism on the show has perminantly scarred him.

Actual Problem: I am closely following any developments on this case.  If this dude (and in my head it’s OJ Simpson) gets his requested $75,000, I wonder how much the roommate of an E! executive could get…

 

**I love you!

Here’s The Problem: Celine Dion Names Her Babies

Here’s The Problem: Celine Dion and her grand-father-like hubby had twins the other day. Today, their names were announced in the US Weekly Daily News Letter……………..Nelson and Eddy.

 

Actual Problem: Did she just give birth to twin 85 year olds?

Here’s the Problem: Achy Breaky Hearts

Here’s the Problem: Billy Ray and Trish Cyrus have announced they are filing for divorce.

Actual Problem: So now Miley gets two sets of allowances? That bitch always gets the best of both worlds.

Here’s the Problem: The Circle of Life

Here’s the Problem:  Did you know sometimes when a person’s ego gets so big it manifests itself in the form of a fetus?

Actual Problem: Mariah Carey’s preggers.

Here’s the Problem: TV Demotions

Here’s the Problem: My tonsilitis-imposed insomnia has lead me to make some very interesting observations on the front of TV professionals (that is, characters who have a job on TV, not people like Any Cohen (who is far from a TV “professional” btw)).

Anywho!  There are two current workplace-shows where the boss man is demoted and then consequently re-promoted within the course of a year

  1. Michael Scott on The Office who takes a step down to salesman when Jim steps up to Regional Manager
  2. Chief Webber steps down as chief on Grey’s Anatomy due to his alcoholism and is replaced by McDreamy.  The swap happens the following season when everyone realizes that PTSD is more serious than boozing too much so they give Wet Willy Webber his job back.

Actual Problem:  At 4 am, lying on the couch, I was sure I could write an entire thesis paper on this.  At 11:30 am, sitting at my desk, I’m getting bored just finishing this blog post.

Here’s the Problem: Audrina’s Mom

Here’s the Problem: Check out Audrina Patridge’s mom everyone! She’s just as embarrassing and shameful to watch as her daughter, but this lady actually has personality.

Actual Problem: This sort of post-Dancing with the Stars-elimination-mom-interview should have been required of all contestants. I’m looking at you Bristol.

**Thanks to Nora for sending the video. Thank God our moms would NEVER get this drunk (…in front of a Hollywood.tv camera crew)

 

***balls.jpg

Here’s The Problem: Taylor Swift

Here’s The Problem: Taylor Swift is on the cover of People magazine because her new album has just been released. Promotion, promotion, promotion! The cover story is: Taylor Swift Tells All! My Untold Story. What the hell kind of “untold story” can this girl possibly have?????? She’s 20! I’m 27 and I barely have a story that I’ve told everyone!!!

Actual Problem: It really frosts my cookies that kids these days try to make something dramatic out of everything. Did you have it hard Taylor? Did the other kids tease you cause you could sing with a twang? Did the whole Kanye thing send you to therapy? Pipe down. That’s not an untold story. That’s whining……in this case, to a catchy tune.