Here’s The Problem: In what I feel is absolutely SHOCKING news, Jennifer Aniston has been voted Most Eligible Single Woman in the WORLD. I decided to look up the definition of the word “eligible” (to help with this problem, NOT because I don’t know what it means, I am semi-literate, thanks). Here is what dictionary.com has to say (and then what mean, unnecessary things I have to say in relation:
fit or proper to be chosen (ain’t nobody choosing Aniston)
worthy of choice (dumped by Brad Pitt = worthy no more)
desirable: to marry an eligible bachelor (maybe she should go ON The Bachelor???)
Actual Problem: Jen is not the most eligible single woman in the world, she’s the ONLY** single woman in the world.
** NO, no, you are wrong, I don’t count.