Here’s the Problem: Children at Football Games (From Guest Blogger Lara!)

Here’s the Problem: I understand that babysitting is expensive, but we need
to consider the cost to all the people sitting around you at the game.  I
pay good money to drunkenly swear and make wildly inappropriate sexual
comments about both the players and coaches without the distraction of
9-year-old boys fighting and poking each other *and me*.  I mean seriously,
they weren’t even as drunk as I was, so what’s their excuse?

Actual Problem: The parents.  If it weren’t for them, nobody would be trying
to censor me or give me bad looks when I start hitting on the children to
amuse myself.

Actual Actual Problem:  The little boys poking me is probably the most
action I’ve gotten in months, unless you count the Chick-fil-a cow that
agreed to go on a date with me until I suggested we see Wall Street: Money
Never Sleeps.

**Thanks Girl Crush Lara for writing this post!  For more of Lara’s biting humor on her lack of sex check out cLARAfications.  You won’t regret it.  But hands off – she’s mind.


One response to “Here’s the Problem: Children at Football Games (From Guest Blogger Lara!)

  1. I have a couple things to say.

    1. I am getting more clicks to my blog from this post than any of my other guesties on HTP, which is telling me that people are intrigued by faux-dophilia (faux pedophilia… did that work?).

    2. I really hope you guys start seeing really fucked up search terms leading to your blog, like “poking 9 year olds” and “sexual children” because then you’ll know how I felt after I wrote a post that now draws people looking for “toddler boners.”

    3. I, like Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, must admit I’m rather turned on by a girl being possessive over me. So basically I belong on Jersey Shore.

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