Here’s the Problem: Kara, who is the size of Thumbelina, sent me an email yesterday noting my sudden weight loss. The subject (and body) of the email read:
YOU’RE SO SKINNY!!
Now, I’m usually the size of Thumbelina’s normal-sized grandmother who is bloated from eating too many pistachios, so an email like this from Mini Me means a lot.
I could just take the compliment and continue with my newly found thindom, but that wouldn’t be fair to all our wonderful readers who could also stand to lose 10 lbs right before the holiday. In the spirit of giving (and anoerexia) I present to you,
The Tonsillectomy Diet
First, get your tonsils out.
Second, eat only ice chips for 5 days.
Third, when you start to feel like you need food slowly transition to the following daily routine:
9:00 am: Eat half an ice pop.
9:30 am: Take intense pain medication that makes your stomach reject ice pop.
10:00 am – 4:00 pm: Satiate your appetite solely with daytime TV in the morning. If you’re still hungry, look at this.
4:00 pm: Eat a “meal” (ie. half cup of chicken broth).
4:30 pm: Take more pain medication and reject chicken broth.
Go to sleep before you start to get hungry again.
Actual Problem: Thanksgiving – they don’t make turkey flavored ice pops.