Monthly Archives: December 2010

Here’s the Problem: Donna Simpson Needs to Gain Some Weight

Here’s the Problem: Donna Simpson is 600 lbs.  This, apparently, is not enough.  Not enough for her nor her clients on her fat fetish website, (there’s nothing like not having to wear underwear to cover to naughty bits).  She wants to weigh 1000 lbs.  For the details (and motivation to put down that goddamn gingerbread cookie) check out this video on msnbc health.

Actual Problem:  She’s from Jersey.  Of course she is.

Here’s the Problem: Cher’s Face Lift Tape (From Guest Blogger Amanda W.!!!)

Here’s the Problem:  People are wondering if Cher is wearing face lift tape.  I don’t know what that means.  Or she might just be wearing tape for her wig.  In either event, I think she is rich enough to just get a real face lift, or a decent wig stylist, so I don’t know what the heck is going on here.

Actual Problem:  If there actually is such a thing as face lift tape, where the heck can I get some?  Do they have lipo tape too?

**Thanks Reader Amanda! If you have a problem send it to us!

Here’s The Problem: Black Swan Crazy

Here’s The Problem: So, it’s raining like a mother f**ker yesterday and I’m at the freaking mall cause I’m still trying to find this silly book for my sister for Christmas and my tiny feet hurt so I say to myself – “Self, let’s go see Black Swan”.  So, I do. And let me tell you – I was SO SO freaked out. Never before have I been so disturbed by a ballet movie (though Center Stage comes in at a close second). Scary scary shit man.

(Sex Spoiler Alert)

Actual Problem: the two dudes behind me who started breathing hard when Mila Kunis went down on Natalie Portman….come on guys – save it for your bathroom.

Here’s the Problem: RIP Captain Beefheart

Oof.  Rest in Peace dude.

Here’s the Problem: What’s the Problem?

Here’s the Problem:  So I really want to write a post about how Mariah Carey is causing goats in England to spit out more milk but I can’t think of the actual problem.  All I can think about is this.  It’s AMAZING.  I’ve watched it about 50 times since I saw it last night and I’m harrassing anyone that comes near my desk and forcing them to watch it.

Actual Problem:  I’m still having trouble with this Mariah sitch.  So here we go INTERACTIVE TIME!!!  YOU come up with the actual problem and I will post it and give you a special holiday time surprise for winning the first-ever

Here’s the Problem: Holy Shit – The Future – Word Lens

Here’s the Problem: WORD LENS.  Holy shit.  I remember being a kid and watching The Jetsons and wondering when I’m going to realize that the future is happening.  The moment has come.

Actual Problem:  I just can’t imagine it getting any better than this.  The end. Downhill sad time.

Here’s The Problem: Kim Will Be Single in 2011

Here’s The Problem: Kim Kardashian announced to Rachael Ray that she will stay single in 2011. For the whole year. I’m calling bullshit. Not cause I think it can’t happen –  but because I think people say shit like that to protect themselves from inevitable loser-dom. All Kim keeps saying is that she thought she’d be married by now and why doesn’t she have a boyfriend? ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. So, now she must be totally freaked out  that it ain’t gonna happen and she’s using this silly “I’ll be single for a year” to cover her (large) ass.

Actual Problem: This reminds me if when I announced that I was going to be celibate for all of 2010………