Monthly Archives: January 2011

Here’s the Problem: Kim Kardashian’s Porn Career Continues!

Here’s the Problem:  Kimmy K is a WRECK over photos she took for a W Magazine photo shoot.  Apparently there’s a lot more nudity than she expected, and Miss Big Booty was none too pleased.

Oh my God, I’m more naked than I was in Playboy. I’m so mad right now!  They promised I would be covered with artwork — you can see nipple!

Actual Problem:  This coming from a chick who is purely famous for making a sex tape.  There’s no going back, starlet.  Just cuz you parlayed your porn career into… whatever it is you would call yourself, doesn’t mean we’ve all forgotten what your nipples looked last time you sold them to the world.

Actual Actual Problem:  I’m sure there would be more insight into this breaking news-worthy situation if the Piers Morgan interview with the Kardashian sisters aired last night, but CNN totally sold out to whatever’s going on where all those pyramids are and bumped the interview.  Lame.

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Here’s the Problem: Mary Kay Letourneau is Back!

Here’s the Problem:  Mary Kay Letourneau, the teacher who went to the cooler for sexing up her 12-year-old student, Vili Fualaau is BACK.  Her and Vili are super happily married now and have 2 kids of their own (who are never allowed to date.  ever.).  They reappeared this morning on the Today Show.  I think even my TV smiled when it saw them.

Actual Problem:  Vili is 27 now and ADORBS!!! So when Meredith Viera asked what the two had in common and neither of them could answer without looking at each other and giggling, I started a mission/new years resolution.  Find myself a cute 6th grader and lay fucking claim.

Here’s the Problem: Teen Mama Drama (An Intern Hillary Post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Here’s the Problem: I thought that when the new Teen Moms came in, the
old ones would disappear. Forever. Apparently that’s not the case.
Ever since Kim Kardashian opened up her big trap saying that the show
“glamorized teen pregnancy,”  Amber (the one who slapped
her baby daddy) ain’t too happy about it y’all. According to her
brother, Shawn, Amber is so upset, saying “the whole world hates
[me].” OH BOO-FUCKING-HOO Amber.

Actual Problem: Hate to break it to you, Amber, but Kim Kardashian is
not the whole world, even though her ass could be mistaken for it.

Here’s the Problem: Amanda Bynes is BACK!

Here’s the Problem:  Guys!  Amanda Bynes is back y’all.  In a shocking return to twitter, the funniest actress woman of our generation has 140 characters to tell us what she’s had for breakfast.

Actual Problem:  As far as I know, she’s still “retired” from acting.  So unless she’s going in for auditions for She’s the Older Man, I’m not interested.

Here’s the Problem: Jimmy Buffett Update!

Here’s the Problem:  Ol’ Jimmy’s going to be just fine after his fall at a concert in Sydney, although he will take a few days off of touring.  Now, that we know he’s we can laugh harder.  Chris asked, so this video is for him –

Actual Problem: This is going to Justin Beiber one day.  Nick Carter will get his chance next week.

Here’s The Problem: 50 Cent, Royal Weddings & Toys for Tots

the royals make you think of Polly Pocket? really Li?

kara: what is the actual problem of Chelsea Handler breaking 50 Cent’s heart?

lisa: oh no!

lisa: hmmm

lisa: something about him getting shot in the face 9 times and still looking younger than her?

kara: AND

kara: with Kate Middleton quitting her job to prepare for the wedding “full time”

lisa: i’m so over the royal wedding nonsense

kara: i know it’s ridic

kara: they don’t even have any power

kara: so she’s quitting her job to be a Pretend Princess

lisa: it’s like the world i always envisioned polly pocket to have

kara: they don’t make good toys anymore

lisa: i wonder if there will be a glow worm available for when we have kids

lisa: assuming we don’t wait till we’re 50 and need to adopt

kara: we won’t be 50

lisa: 48?

kara: all we need is a pretend prince – just like Kate

kara: see how i bring it all full circle?

Here’s the Problem: Shame Music

012411_spencer_pratt_audio.mp3

Here’s the Problem:  Last night I spent way to much time listening to music I’m ashamed to admit to, and not enough time dreaming (about things I’m ashamed to admit to). Please reference Spencer Pratt’s chicken wing rap and Justin Beiber’s acoustic, “One Time” by clicking on the links above.  Then get ready to do nothing else for the rest of the day.

Actual Problem:  I’m still listening to both of these.  I’ll blame it on exhaustion if necessary, but before I do, does anyone want to validate me and agree that maybe these songs aren’t that bad.