Here’s the Problem: The moon is freaking out or has it’s period or something and so now there are new astrological signs. NOW. There are new astrological signs NOW. Because that’s what astrology is about – being born during some sort of moon. If you were born 24 years ago (and you weren’t, it was 28) this doesn’t apply to you. None of this matters.
Actual Problem: None of this matters anyway. It’s your fucking astrological sign. You show me the last star chart you referenced and I’ll give you a bye on the freakout, but if you’re just concerned because you have an old issue of Cosmo that said this was the weekend you were supposed to meet the man of your dreams and now you’re worried it won’t happen because you’re a fucking Ophiucus, get the hell over it.
**Special Thanks to Austin Keenan, who I have overheard (overseen?) leading the charge of calming people down one tweet at a time.