Here’s the Problem: Personal Problem Tuesday!!! (Gluten Edition)


Here’s the Problem: I think I’m allergic to gluten.  The reason I think that is terribly scientific, so stick with me here.   I get intense pains in my stomach every time I eat something that has gluten in it.  It only took me 2 years to put this together.   So thus, I have dedicated this week to NO GLUTEN!  I bought some gluten-free bread and beer and cereal and cookies and I am saying no to the pastries in the kitchen celebrating our company’s 19th year in this tower of terror.

Actual Problem:  I’ve had this issue for so long and I eat so much goddamn gluten that I interpret this intense stomach pain as being full.  I will eat about 5 fork fulls of whatever is causing this pain after it has reached the point that it hurts to breathe (yeah, I know this is disgusting and personal and you didn’t need to know, but I’m in a sharing caring mood, so suck it).   Now that I’ve gone through an entire 29 hours without gluten and there is no pain, I am eating non-stop.  Non-stop eggs.  Non-stop tapioca bread.  Non-stop expensive gluten-free cookies because I have no idea when my stomach is full.

That’s all.  It’s not funny.  It’s a fucking problem.  I’m sharing because I love you.

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4 responses to “Here’s the Problem: Personal Problem Tuesday!!! (Gluten Edition)

  1. Welcome to my world. Plus I had to eliminate diary too! It sucks, but I feel better.

  2. You’re father went through the same thing. Thinking he might have to give up his favorite beer (red dog???) was killing him. He went to the doctor, had a blood test and “Voila”, no allergy, just plain old home grown …Come to think of it, we never found out what caused his pain. All I know is when he found out he wasn’t allergic to gluten, he felt all better. Go figure.

  3. I think you can get a test for that. Is Gluten allergy the same as Celiac’s Disease? Because that is what my cousin has and she said the same thing, just eliminating gluten from her diet fixed it. Hope you feel better!

  4. Celiac is an intolerance, not an allergy (nit-picky but true; same as lactose intolerance) and it sounds like that’s just want you have. Symptoms include pretty awful cramping and RRRRRRAAAAAAANK farts (before my mom was diagnosed she was a STINKER.). It leads to malnutrition (cause your intenstines get too damaged to absorb nutriment) and, if left unattended, bowel cancer. However, the intestines will re-grow if given a repreive from the gluten. (so you can screw up occasionally and probably not get cancer)

    Unfortunately the only treatment is not eating gluten. which is in everything yummy. it sucks. BUT there are work-arounds:
    -many GF (gluten free) breads are good if you toast the hell out of them. unfortunately there is no such thing (that I have yet found) as a GF bagel. the attempts are pretty sad.
    -GF pasta is very easy to find
    -kinnickinick (or something like that) makes the most amazing GF donuts. like way awesome.
    -though you can’t have beer, there’s always hard cider. watch out for dark liquors. clear liquors tend to be ok. tequila is always ok. wine is (obviously)always ok
    -GF stuff is becoming much easier to find in general. Apparently, some huge portion of the population has some level of gluten sensitivity; ie they benefit from cutting or reducing the gluten in their diets, though they don’t have full blown celiac symptoms (or the associated risk of cancer). The health nuts have decided reducing gluten is the new “it” thing. Which works out well for the Celiacs! Thanks health nuts!

    Get good at making your own baked goods. Way cheaper. Like those PB cookies that are really just PB and sugar. bomb.

    You’ll relearn the being full thing. Just takes time.

    Good luck!

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