Here’s the Problem: Kim Kardashian’s New Single In Terms of Real Life

Here’s the Problem:  Kim Kardashian released her new single today – Jam.  It’s pretty bad.  I mean, it’s not the worst thing in the world, but it’s not the best. I would dance to it if I were at “da club,” but only because I’d be a few drinks in and standing against the wall is lame.

Actual Problem:  Here’s is how to place Kimmy K’s new jam in the midst of real life comparisons:

Dying:

Better than drowning

Not better than fume inhalation

Books:

Better than Mike Sorrentino’s “Here’s the Situation”

Not anywhere near as good as Snooki’s “A Shore Thing”

Food:

Better than old bologna

Not better than new bologna

Colors:

Better than orange

Not better than green

Dictators:

Better than Hitler

Not better than Stalin

New Jersey politicians:

Better than Chris Christie

Not better than Corey Booker

Furniture:

Better than chairs

Not better than couches

(guys, I don’t have a job, I can do this all day)

Annoying Things Cats Do:

Better than peeing on stuff

Not better than rubbing their head against the door jam

Other Reality Star Singles:

Better than Kim Z’s “Google Me”

Not better than that shit Dannity Kane had going on

Names for Ikea Products:

Better than EKTORP

Not better than POANG

Reasons I’ve given for breaking up with someone:

Better than, “I’m going to watch TV with the neighbors downstairs”

Not better than, “I have ring worm”

Girl Scout Cookies:

Better than whatever the fuck that berry nonsense is

Not better than Samoas

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7 responses to “Here’s the Problem: Kim Kardashian’s New Single In Terms of Real Life

  1. Awful. Like, painful. Better than a severed limb; not better than dry heave vomiting. Both of which may happen if that crap gets played on the pop stations…..

  2. Nothing is better than Samoas. Nothing.

  3. no. This is bad. Like real bad. you can tell they’ve tried to make her voice sound better. She doesnt even sound like she’s singing.. Why did they think she could sing? just because she looks good naked? I mean, really…we don’t need another “paris hilton” single. She needs to stick with what she knows, being naked

  4. Yeah, I’m gonna say you were pretty nice to this song. I mean, I guess I’d dance to it if I were at the club, but the ‘throwing up all my liquor’ part of the night would probably immediately follow.

  5. I only listened to 50 seconds of it. When I got to “I’m working it like I’m paying my bills, my bills” I stopped. Ugh. And the voice is all… wrong like and not singing like.

    One of these days I am going to have to try these American girl scout cookies. Canada has mint chocolate (the best) and vanilla and chocolate (in the same box) They are sold at different times of the year, none of this magical many choices things. Which is okay, I can’t make decisions anyways.

  6. I live for the lemon cookies

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