Here’s the Problem: Elizabeth Taylor was laid to rest yesterday but not after her last publicity stunt. Taylor, per a provision in her will, showed up to her service 15 minutes “fashionably” late.
Actual Problem: How fucking fantastic is that? It got me thinking about what I should include in my last will and testament. Here goes –
I don’t want any kids at my funeral. At least not any who aren’t going to be appropriately sad. And by appropriately sad, I want them to be crying, but not cute crying because I don’t want it to be this situation where people are like, “wasn’t little Bobby just so adorable at Lisa’s funeral?” And also not sloppy crying. No one else gets pity because they’re said that I died. Fuck that. It’s my funeral. Don’t steal my thunder Bobby. Stay home.