Monthly Archives: July 2011

Here’s the Problem: IT’S GREG’S BIRTHDAY!!!

Here’s the Problem:  Greg just got a little bit older (which means that he should probably grow up a bit too, but maybe we’ll wait till it’s not his birthday to criticize his maturity).

Actual Problem:  He ditched this town so it doesn’t really matter anyway.

 

Happy Birthday Greggers.  When are we gonna go to flight school? 

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Here’s the Problem: Personal Problem Thursday – I Say A Little Prayer For Who????

Here’s the Problem:  I have afforded the luxury to have a radio in my car that alerts me when my favorite songs or bands are coming on another station.  Did y’all know I was that fancy?  Prolly not.  Anyway, one of my listed favorites was (is? was) Dionne Warwick’s “I Say A Little Prayer For You”.   Every 3-4 days or so my radio would *bing* and tell me it’s on the Love channel, or 60’s on 6 or something.  The last few months I’ve ignored it because Ms. Warwick annoyed the FUCK out of me on The Apprentice by being the worst kinda old lady bitch in the world (that being a slow and lazy old lady bitch).  But let bygones be bygones.  I need me some “My Best Friend’s Wedding” throw back.  So this morning – *bing* ! I switch the station and this time – I listen.  I listen to them words.  I think you should too…

The moment I wake up
Before I put on my makeup
I say a little prayer for you
While combing my hair, now,
And wondering what dress to wear, now,
I say a little prayer for you

How lovely.  Girlfriend’s in love.   That’s a nice feeling.   He’s the first thing she thinks about every morning.  Having a lot of dresses in her closet.  That’s nice.  But oh… ummm… did I just hear…

My darling believe me, (believe me)
For me there is no one but you!

Awww… How sweet!  But wait… what?

Please love me too
This is my prayer (answer my prayer)
Answer my prayer now babe (answer my prayer)

Oh… Oh.  So… this isn’t your boyfriend DiDi?  This is just some dude you are wasting all your time (and all through your coffee break time) thinking about?  Some rando who doesn’t love you back?  Oh no girl no.

Actual Problem:   Listen up fools (and I’m talking to you Kristen Cavallari and Kate Bosworth and Ryan Reynolds and everyone else who has just been broken up with) – there is no such thing as loving someone that doesn’t love you back. That’s just not love.  So brush yourself off, pick out a dress, and while you’re riding that bus dear, think of yourself dear.

 

Here’s the Problem: Kim K’s Psoriasis (An Intern Hillary Post!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Here’s the problem: On tonights groundbreaking episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, Kim learns she has a little psoriasis on her leg. HOLD THE PHONE PEOPLE. Little perfect Kim K has a blemish? BOO FUCKING HOO KIM. Of course she takes this as any normal person would and considers her so-called “career” over.

Actual problem: On this same episode, Botox Bruce (I came up with the nickname myself!) used the phrase “poppin’ the cherry. BARF.

Actual actual problem: I’m writing this as I’m laying in my bed watching said episode with the DVR paused so I don’t miss another nail biting moment. No life.

Here’s The Problem: Some “C” Words

Here’s The Problem: Over the weekend, Kim Kardashian crashed her hubby-to-be’s bachelor party. Once again, I would like to show the differences between the REAL world and CELEB world. If a normal girl had crashed her fiancés bachelor party we would all be screaming c-words:

Crazy!  Clingy!  Co-Dependant!  Controlling!

 

Actual Problem: In Celeb world they are all screaming: CUTE!

 

morons.

Here’s the Problem: Too Much Ugly

Here’s the Problem:  The cotton collection will make a matching outfit for your dog if you send them a photo of your favorite look.

Actual Problem:  I want a matching outfit for my cat for when I wear my denim jumpsuit.

Actual Actual Problem:  It’s not funny cuz it’s true.

Here’s The Problem: Friends w/ No Strings Attached

Here’s The Problem: A movie is coming out on Friday called Friends with Benefits. It’s about a pair of REALLY hot friends who decide to have sex without feelings or a relationship. Fine, fine – that’s all well and good until I realize – wait – have I seen this movie before? In fact, have I seen this movie recently? Wasn’t Natalie Portman the gal half of another hot-doing- it –duo? YES. Yes she was.

Actual Problem: I’m Black Swan Crazy now and I cannot figure out who is who – who’s doing who and why and how and HOW did the same movie get made twice in a year?

Here’s The problem: Nick and Vanessa Get Married on TV

Here’s The Problem: Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo (prob spelled wrong but let’s face it – who really gives a shit?) allowed cameras into their lives to film their wedding. It’s sure to be a tear-jerking special on TLC and I for one cannot wait to see it. Cause, you know, that worked out so well for Nick the LAST time…..

 

Actual Problem: What the hell is Lachey thinking?? He’s one step away from Chicken of the Sea: The Sequel.