Monthly Archives: September 2011

Here’s the Problem: Chris Christie Vs. The Jersey Shore

Here’s the Problem:  NJ Governor Chris Christie (nice name, guido) put the kibosh on a $420,000 tax credit the the Jersey Shore production co. was supposed to receive.  You see – when you have a state like NJ that has over a 9% unemployment rate, sometimes the government does things to boost their economy – like offering tax breaks for on shows that shoot there to attract business.  However, today Christie pulled the plug on the previously promised tax credit because he says the show,

“…does nothing more than perpetuate misconceptions about the state and its citizens.”

Actual Problem:  Really?  A 600 lb man who pays US Attorneys to defer prosecution of family members, cut over $800 million in school funding in the poorest neighborhoods, and literally phoned in a state of emergency from his vacation in Orlando when his state was under 4 ft of snow  thinks that a TV show is giving Jersey a bad rap?

 

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Here’s the Problem: Happy Hannukah from Mel Gibson

Here’s the Problem:  Mel Gibson is teaming up with Warner Brothers to make a movie about the Macabees – a family of Jews from back in the day that saved the Jew world and gave us Hanukkah.   Yes, Mel Gibson is producing that movie.  He might even direct it.  Hell, he might spend the next 180 days handcrafting a menorah out of the cop car that pulled him over when he was drunk enough to say that the Jews have caused all the wars in the world.

Actual Problem:   There is not enough MSG in the world for a post-Christmas movie Chinese dinner to make this palatable.

Here’s the Problem: Bethenny The Hoax (AN INTERN HILLARY POST!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Here’s the Problem: Reality star Bethenny Frankel is in deep shit with Whole Foods. Her Skinnygirl Margarita was taken off the shelves because Whole Foods claimed that it contains an ingredient that is not natural. OMG. An unnatural ingredient? That’s preposterous! Bethenny thinks so too, claiming that she is a natural foods chef and she doesn’t use unnatural ingredients and blah blah blah.

Actual Problem: I think the secret ingredient in these skinny margaritas is one that makes you look like a frog. I mean seriously people, have y’all seen this chick? She’s like kermit’s twin…

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Thank GOD college is back in session and Intern Hillary is BACK because we need her more than ever!   Please send her love in the way of comments and Facebook likes because Lord knows Kara and I can’t (and apparently won’t) do this blog alone.

Here’s the Problem: Madonna

Here’s the Problem:  Guys, that’s Madonna.

Actual Problem:  No, seriously.

Here’s the Problem: Lindsay Lohan’s New Tattoo

Here’s the Problem:  Lindsay Lohan got a new tattoo recently.  Hooray!  Tattoos are still cool!  This one is a lyric from a Billy Joel song, “I Go To Extremes”  –

Clear as a crystal, sharp as a knife I feel like I’m in the prime of my life

It’s no, “who needs a house out in Hackensack?” but it’ll do.

Actual Problem:  Yeah.  YEAH!  (The other) Double L is in the prime of her life! And just when I was thinking she was going to start regretting asking out Chris Brown on Twitter.  No!  Trying to get a date with an abusive prick is EXACTLY what all self-respecting women are doing these days. PRIME!

Here’s the Problem: Video Killed the Radio Star (From Guest Blogger Sam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

The dude from Bon Iver is getting a lot of attention for blogging about how the MTV Video Music Awards Show is bullshit.  We can only assume he hasn’t had cable since 1997.  MTV has been irrelevant for so long that even the discussion of MTV’s irrelevance is itself… completely irrelevant. Allow me to answer some of Bon Iver’s (yes yes, not his name) questions posed in his Jerry Maquire-esque epiphany:
Didn’t MTV lose the fight against themselves? – Yes. and they made truck loads of money in the process.
Didn’t Rock’n’Roll STOP – No.  But rock stars like you have been saying rock is dead since the 80s.
Why do we try SO hard? – At being pretentiously conflicted?
Does a moonman mean what it did back then? – Yes.  It still means you get a blow job at the after party.
Should our mom’s cry? – Your mom should.  But not because she’s proud of you.
Then, in a failed attempt to elevate himself over his own bullshit, Mr. Iver informs us that he’ll be over all this in 90 seconds.  Well then, perhaps he should have just waited out that commercial break during 16 and Pregnant instead of rushing over to his keyboard.

Actual Problem:  This guy is going to have a breakdown when he learns they were lip syncing on American Bandstand.

 

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me: Hey Sam – Here’s the link to your post
Sam: haha
I love loops
who are those people?
 me:   britney spears and lady gaga
 duh
Sam: really?
  that’s britney?