Here’s The Problem: The Band Perry

Here’s The Problem: Last night I tuned into the AMA’s for 3.5 seconds and saw a band….who calls themselves The Band Perry (we KNOW you’re a band….Christ Almighty….do I call myself “The Girl Kara”?) singing a song called “If I Die Young”. Let’s look at some of the lyrics – shall we?

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

UGH – what’s happening here? What’s up Emo? Sink you in the river? GLADLY.


And I’ll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom
I’m as green as the ring on my little cold finger,
I’ve never known the lovin’ of a man
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand,
There’s a boy here in town who says he’ll love me forever,
Who would have thought forever could be severed by

OY.OY. Even worse. Now her body is decaying and she dies a virgin?


Actual Problem: This is a HIT? This is a song so great that it was preformed at an Awards show? Why not write a song about getting syphilis? Or suicide? Or maybe dead puppies? People are depressed enough as it is without having to hear some warbler belt out a bunch of malarkey about the beauty of death. Death sucks. Get with it.

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