Monthly Archives: March 2012

Here’s The Problem: Hilary Duff’s Latin Baby

Here’s The Problem:

Kara: huge problem. HUGE

Lisa: oh no!

Kara: Hilary Duff just had her baby

Lisa: what’d she name it?

Kara: LUCA CRUZ.
SHE IS NOT HISPANIC

Lisa: HAHAHA
is the daddy?

Kara:
NEITHER IS HER WHITE WHITE HUSBAND
White people can’t just decide that their kid is ethnic!
LUCA CRUZ?????????????????
is he the next Lupe Fiasco????

Lisa: is Lupe Fiasco latino?

Kara:  i dunno
but THIS is a fiasco all right

Here’s the Problem: Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian Eloping

Here’s the Problem:  Y’all heard Reggie and Kim K are back together.  Not surprising.  What do they always say?  Conning another man into false matrimony makes the heart grow fonder? In Touch Weekly has reported that Reggie’s all about it, but only if Kim gives up being a celebrity.

Actual Problem: Asking Kim Kardashian to get out of the spotlight is like asking  us to stop bitching.  Like asking Kirstie Alley to tell the truth about her weight.  Like asking Tom Cruise to come out of the closet.  Like asking the Duggers to buy a box of condoms.   Like asking Rebecca Black for good song lyrics
Like asking Betty White to die.

Good luck Reg.

Here’s the Problem: Fish Suitcase

Here’s the Problem:  Here’s an article about some old lady who went on vacation 1,000 miles from her hometown, bought a second hand suitcase at a Goodwill while on that vacation to transport frozen fish back home, and when she opened the suitcase she found her hometown neighbor’s childhood videos.  How crazy is that?? 1 woman gave away an ugly purple suitcase before cleaning it out, and 30 years later and 1,000 miles away, her neighbor buys it?!  When did purple suitcases get so popular?!

Actual Problem:  I’m sorry.  Hold up.  She bought the used suitcase on vacation to bring fish back home?!  Gross.

 

Here’s the Problem: Cameron Diaz Refuses to Age

Here’s the Problem:  An “insider” (seriously, who are these awful bitches who tell gossip rags about their friend’s weight or boss’s fetish’s?) told In Touch that Cameron will not even read a script if she’s up for a character who is 40-years-old.  Cameron’s 39 (and a half).  It’s time to look at the man in the mirror and realize who you are.

Actual Problem: It’s a role.  You’re an actress.  If you can’t pull off a part that is 6 months older than you, maybe you’re in the wrong business.  At 15 I was the most vibrant Mrs. Cratchit in all of Bergen County and I wore those makeup wrinkles with pride.

Here’s the Problem: Amanda Bynes is a Badass! (and an idiot)

Here’s the Problem:  Amanda Bynes was pulled over last night for being on her cell phone in the car (you’re telling me Amanda Bynes – who once had her own SELF TITLED SHOW – cannot afford a damn bluetooth?  For shame, America).  When the cop went back to his car to write the ticket (and clean him self up after realizing, HOLY SHIT! THAT’S AMANDA FUCKING BYNES!) she sped away.  SPED!  Oh no girl, no.

Actual Problem: This may have flown during the height of her career (She’s the Man, duhzers), but since Mandy (re)retired from acting, she cannot pull this shit off.  You’re one of us now, Amanda. Suck it up.

Here’s the Problem: Megan Fox and 90210

Here’s the Problem:  Brian Austin Green will not let his wife, Megan Fox, watch old 90210 episodes that he was in.

Actual Problem:  He does, however, require that they only make love while watching this video:

 

Here’s the Problem: You Look Tired

Here’s the Problem:  I look tired?  You look like a dickhead.  Unless I’ve noted that I am tired, you pointing it out is inappropriate.  Same thing with “cheer up”. Do not pass my desk and tell me to cheer up.    I can’t smile ALL the time.  That’s how wrinkles happen.  Speaking of which – you look old.

Actual Problem: I AM tired and I AM sad.  Thanks for making it worse.