Here’s The Problem: The Disney Vault…..and Hi, I’m Crazy

Here’s The Problem: Due to being constantly bombarded by threatening commercials from Disney – reminding me that Beauty and the Beast is “soon going back into the vault” – I bought the DVD. I kept seeing the commercials and hearing it in my head over and over “back in the vault…BACK IN THE VAULT”.  It was a haunting taunt…and somehow a reminder that my life is not on track  – because the irrational train of thought that followed was nothing short of lunacy:

“Gotta get to Target.”

“Gotta get Beauty and the Beast…because what if I have children in the next five years!”

“What if I have a little girl and I really want her to watch Beauty and the Beast – but it’s GONE! Locked in some vault!”

“What if all her little friends have the DVD but she doesn’t because her lame ass Mom wasted all her money on vodka and Tostitos before she was born?”

Actual Problem: When checking out (in 10 items or less line with my Beauty & the Beast DVD, a pack of condoms and a liter of diet coke….we can call these Deluded Sunday purchases….) the cashier, Ethel, said “Oh my daughter just LOVES this movie” and I responded “Mine will too.”

Christ……

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