Here’s the Problem: Where Have We Been? and Dita von Teese Barely Exists

Here’s the Problem:  Dita Von Teese has been wearing a corset for 22 years so now she has a 16.5 inch waist.  Guys, that’s really tiny.  I bet there are intestinal issues there.  Seriously – who wants to take that bet? I have $32.  Wait.  I have to do laundry tonight.  $29.50.

Actual Problem:  WHERE HAVE WE BEEN????????  The answer is nowhere.  We’ve been here.  Sitting behind desks.  Kara’s desk is now behind a door, so that’s pretty cool, and my desk has a new picture of me dancing at a wedding on it, so that’s pretty awesome.  Otherwise, NOTHING HAS CHANGED.  Oh!  I cut my hair.  Too short.  I mean, it’s fine.  But I wish it were longer.  Eh, what can you do?

Actual Actual Problem:  Listen, we know the Dita von Teese story is weak.  But when you stop writing for months – MONTHS! – there is no story big enough to return with.  And let’s be honest, this might be the last post for another long stint.  Life gets in the way, man.  Nothing’s interesting.  Everything’s interesting.  Stress.  Boredom.  Circle of life.

Hey – while I’m just… ya know, writing and you seem to be reading (why???), I want to put something out there.  Every once in a while we get comments on this blog from readers who are all like, “you guys should stop complaining,”  or, “mind your business,” or, “what do you look like naked?”.    Aside from last question (and the answer is: fantastic) – that’s all bullshit.  This blog is about us talking smack about people for no reason.  It started because we would read gossip magazines and say this shit out loud to each other.  Then we noticed other people were listening in.  Like eavesdropping, you know?  And we were like, “let’s make our opinions available TO THE WORLD.”  So, a. you’re welcome, and b. if you don’t like it, don’t read it.   The internet is full of crap.  Crap like cooking websites and blogs by women who are thinking of leaving their husbands, and KKK leaders.  If you don’t like what we have to say, go read some of those writer’s musings and complain that they have a voice.  America!

That said, we always love comments – even the negative ones.  So how about you guys leave a bunch of nice comments this time?  Kara and I are going to Jersey for a wedding this weekend and maybe if we get enough nice comments we’ll finally have enough self confidence to get out on the dance floor and break. it. down.





6 responses to “Here’s the Problem: Where Have We Been? and Dita von Teese Barely Exists

  1. I bet you’re just posting this for attention…

  2. Wait, there are still burlesque ‘stars’?

  3. I have so many nice comments: Your hair looks great. Kara’s boobs look great. You’re both going to look GREAT this weekend in Jersey and I can’t wait to see it all.

  4. Nice to have you back. (U cut your hair?)

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