Monthly Archives: January 2013

Here’s the Problem: The New Kim Is Lame


Here’s the Problem:  I pulled out a bunch of mixed CDs from high school the other day because the radio is getting BORING.  One of  the better ones was “Songs To Listen To When You’re Trying To Get To Work On Time,” a mixed CD with fast paced music made to get my fat ass to pick it up when I worked in Manhattan and had to hoof it from the Port Authority to 55th and 5th. 

Anyway… track 10 on this motivational mix was 50 Cent’s, “How to Rob,” where the Fiddy talks about all the ways he’ll still make cash if his record doesn’t sell, one of which is to kidnap “Kim” and hold her for ransom.

Actual Problem:  Guys – remember when rap songs talked about Kim and it referred to Lil Kim – that hardcore bitch from the streets of Brooklyn?  Now, when a rap song references a Kim, they’re talking about the reality TV star from the mansions of Calabasas.

Here’s the Problem: Another Rob Pat/KStew Break Up?


Here’s the Problem:  Robert Pattinson might have dumped Kristen Stewart’s ass – AGAIN.  Are we supposed to care?  I’d be better off following the sneezing habits of a kindergarten class where no one’s gotten their flu shot.

Lisa:     Kar –  The Sun is reporting that the Rob Pat and K Stew broke up again this past weekend.  Is this worth writing about?

Kara Again?

Lisa:     Ugh, yes

Kara:  All that sex and still they break up?
 Lisa:   Maybe the chafing tore them apart

Kara:  Oof.   That’s rough
Lisa:  Literally
Kara:  This would be a great campaign for KY 

Lisa:  Ha!!  It might be just tabloid junk anyway.  Maybe I shouldn’t post it.

Kara:  What the hell?! We’re not a factual newspaper.  Write it!

Actual Problem:  Sooo maybe they broke up, maybe they didn’t.  Either way – use this as a lesson and go buy some lube.

RIP Conrad Bain

Conrad Bain, best known as the dad from Diff’rent Strokes,  passed away early this morning at the age of 89.

Now, the world don’t move to beat of just one drum – but he was our favorite Drummond of all.

Here’s The Problem: The “I Beat Meryl” Confusion

Here’s The Problem: People are jumping on Jennifer Lawrence for her Globes acceptance speech on Sunday, in which she said “I beat Meryl”.  Has no one seen The First Wives Club?? It was such a brilliant use of a movie quote! But of course, people like the ever-astute Lindsay Lohan are slow to catch on, tweeting in defense of Streep: “No one should ever mess with a legend, such as Meryl Streep.” Oy.


Actual Problem: Should an “actress” who is not allowed to attend the Globes be allowed to comment on what goes on there….?

Here’s the Problem: May/December Romances

Here’s the Problem:  Post-GG rumors have been a-swirlin about Bradley Cooper and Silver Linings Playbook co-star Jennifer Lawrence, but Coops says No way man! Telling Entertainment Tonight:

“I could literally be her father.”

Actual Problem:  Good for you Bradster.  A little respect for the age difference is refreshing around these parts.  Maybe these guys could take a lesson:

Mary Kate Olsen, 26  and Oliver Sarkozy, 42

Calvin Klein, 70 and Nick Gruber, 23

Hugh Hefner, 85 and Crystal Harris, 25

BIlly Joel, 62 and Alexis Roderick, 29

Mickey Rourke, 60 and Anastassija Makarenko, 26

Here’s the Problem: Megan Fox Reads The Bible. Bible.


Here’s the Problem:  In a recent interview with Esquire Magazine, Megan Fox shares her views on everything from tattoos to aliens, including, duh, the bible,

“I’ve read the Book of Revelation a million times,” Megan Fox says. “It does not make sense, obviously.”

Actual Problem:  A million times?  And still no clarity?  Maybe we should start with something a bit less intense.  Hop On Pop, anyone?

Here’s The Problem: Glenn Close’s Best Day EVER

Here’s The Problem: Everyone knows that Glenn Close is the poor man’s Meryl Streep. She can never catch a break (let alone a minute of camera time) if she and Meryl are in the same room. So, imagine her utter delight when Meryl came down with the flu the night of the Globes! Not only was Glenn nominated for something – she got to be part of the in-crowd and play along when Tina Fey called her out for being drunk! Good for you, Glenn! I hope you enjoyed your day in the sun.

Actual Problem: Meryl’s WORST day is still better than Glenn’s best.