Monthly Archives: February 2013

Here’s The Problem: OSCAR’S EDITION……..The Phantom of the Opera…..

Here’s The Problem: Her FACE. What the hell happened????

Actual Problem: HER FACE.

Here’s The Problem: OSCAR’S EDITION…….Old Folks

Here’s The Problem: It truly was a night to remember, wasn’t it? There was more singing and dancing than ever before and also…..more OLD people. First of all, the clips from that movie that no one has ever heard of, AMOUR, made me want to kill myself. KILL MYSELF. But first, it made me want to find my future spouse and kill HIM. Because let me tell you what I’m NOT signing up for: elder care. But I digress, in the OSCARS FOR THE AGED, a 75 year old woman named Shirley Bassey came onto the stage and sang GOLDFINGER. Dressed as a gold finger. And if you read any gossip sites, she apparently KILLED it. Next, it was time to talk about the 86th birthday of AMOUR actress, Emmanuelle Riva – Happy Last Birthday! And rounding out the evening was 83 year old Captain Von Trapp – reenacting fleeing from the Nazis……..THE FAMILY VON TRAPP!

Actual Problem: My heart when I saw THIS:

Here’s The Problem: OSCAR’S EDITION…..Wizards vs. Vampires

Here’s The Problem: Around the time that I got up for my fourth piece of pizza, Wizards had already begun to take over the Oscars. Harry Potter himself had preformed a jaunty soft shoe routine with that kid from 10 Things I Hate About You; Bellatrix was hovering around in the audience with her crazy eyes and then BAM! Lucius Malfoy wins for Best Cinematography.

Actual Problem: Perhaps the Vampires should take notes on how the Wizards roll into a classy award show…..

Here’s The Problem: Throwback Thursday


Here’s The Problem: I’m always a step behind on things. Everything. Doesn’t matter what it is really, I’m just behind. Recently, I learned about Throwback Thursday on Instagram. How brilliant, I thought to myself. What a fun way to put horrible pictures of things that happened long ago (or maybe last week) up for all to see! The cool kids do that hashtag thing, like this: #TBT. So I thought – Hot Damn! I’m gonna show everyone how cool I am. How IN. How HIP. CURRENT, if you will. So yesterday, I put up this awesome picture of Lisa and I from awhile ago and hashtagged the hell outta that mother with a #TBT. Throwback Thursday, bitches!

Actual Problem: Yesterday was Wednesday.


Here’s The Problem: Oldest Dad in the World

Here’s The Problem: It’s come to our attention that Steve Martin, has recently fathered his first child. He is 67 years old. 67. Years. Of age. If he lives to 70, his child will only be 3. If he lives to 80, his child will be 13. If he lives to 90….I mean come ON.

Actual Problem: We’re calling total Bull Shit on this Geriatric Parenting swing. Sure, it’s easy to sign up for a kid when you know you’ll only have to deal with it for five years!

Be sure to check us out on Laughing My Vagina Off!

Here’s The Problem: Valentine’s Day Edition

HTP wishes you a Happy Valentine’s Day!

And since no one knows love like the gentle heart of child, enjoy:

Here’s The Problem: Friends Don’t Let Friends Get Beat Up

Here’s The Problem: As you know, we get much of our news from the trustworthy source: US WEEKLY. Today’s “Exclusive” was as follows:

Katy Perry “Doesn’t Approve” of Rihanna Dating Chris Brown

And we’re all like, “Pipe down Katy Perry”. Cause I know if my pal started dating a guy who had beat her up I wouldn’t say a single word. In fact, I might send them a coupon for a couples massage……………

Actual Problem: It is NOT breaking news for someone to say something rational. The sky is blue, the grass is green, and friends don’t like when their friends date abusers.